Ugh. What A Boring & Slow News Day

Is anything at all happening? Anything? Is anyone awake or pretending to do work? What is going on? We can’t even find non-boring articles to read about how broke we are as a country. There are only like four press releases to look at today– and we read all of them, in their entirety.

Did you know we are: faggots, spin machinists, mean, attackers, Republicans, Democrats, satanists, poor, broke, stupid, dumb, evil, paid for by Trey Grayson, Bruce Lunsford, Mitch McConnell, John Yarmuth, Democratic House Caucus and Joni Jenkins? Yeah.

In other news, someone should buy us this so we can make one of these fetus jump drives.

Aww. Republicans in Georgia jacked up an opportunity to take advantage of absentee voting. Imagine that. [Atlanta Journal-Constitution]

Actually, Joe, you should be a bit more honest about what you’re up to. You shouldn’t take direction from any particular political party. You should remain objective. Stick to reporting instead of offering your opinion, which has been tainted by a particular political party. We know– they called us, too, and tried to spin it. They were polite and well-reasoned, but it was still spin. We also hear you couldn’t even research the KRS on your own. Now you can email us to complain about what we’re saying about you instead of what truthful things we’ve said about Nancy Rodriguez. [C-J]

Today and tomorrow Attorney General Jack Conway, Kentucky Child Now and the Kentucky Department of Education are hosting an i-Jame Internet Safety Conference for parents, teachers and educators in Lexington. Lots of discussion about safety, perverts on MySpace, cyberbullying, onling gaming and how not to to stupid things on the internets. Good move. [Press Release]

For real. We’re all gonna die of the poverty and the starvation. The Fed is offering to dole out $7.4 trillion (with a T) to save failed companies that are suffering from failed leadership and all-out corruption. And the mouth breathers are still trying to blame Barry for turning us into a socialist country. Nice. [Bloomberg]

What Democratic brand? Really, what brand? We don’t have a brand in Kentucky anymore. [C-J]

Join the Family Adventure Quest! State Parks are offering tons of gift cards and this year it’ll be fun with a presidential/Lincoln flair. [Kentucky State Parks]

Two Quick Things This Afternoon

OH NOES! You’re Gonna Die of the Poverty. Because even Wachovia is about to go belly-up or whatever. [Washington Post]

And… we hear that Commonwealth Attorney Dave Stengel in Louisville will be “looking into” the hate mail piece against Ken Herndon. More Here and Here and Here and Here and Here.

It’s not a formal investigation or manhunt, so to speak, but Stengel plans to have his staff do some research.

We’ll bring you more info as soon as we have it.

Tuesday Update Dept of Buy Us a MacBook Pro, 15″, Glossy, 4gigs of RAM OR ELSE!!!

David Boswell and Brett Guthrie are in a virtual dead heat according to the latest SurveyUSA polling data. Boswell leads Guthrie 47-44 with a 4.3% margin of error. Only 9% of likely voters say they’re undecided. The two are tied among males but females prefer Boswell, the Democrat, 48-42. [Mark Hebert]

A British invasion? The Jakals (from southern England) will be performing tonight in Louisville at the Rudyard Kipling at 8:00 P.M. Their first appearance was in our fancy pants hometown in middle of nowhere West Liberty, deep in the hills of eastern Kentucky. Turns out they’re actually using a company in West Liberty (!!) to distribute their CD here in the U.S. and A. [Jakals, Rudyard Kipling]

There’s still no word on whether or not Mitch McConnell plans to hire anyone from Kentucky to work on his campaign. If you missed it, his treasurer lives in Indiana, none of the contacts on his campaign’s Statement of Organization are in Kentucky and only one of the three banks his campaign uses is located in the Bluegrass State. [Page One]

Do you have AB positive or AB negative blood? Get your ass to the Chestnut Street Red Cross in Louisville ASAP. There is an emergency need for that particular type of plasma. Please specify that your donation is for C. Thomas Bennett at Baptist East. [Just Do It]

Editors at Bloomberg noted on Friday that U.S. stock declines were the worst since June… of 1930! The Great Depression! Yeah, little economic mix-up, my formerly fat ass! Basically, the world is effed and we’re all gonna die of the poverty. [Bloomberg]

Thanks to rising gas prices, the Kentucky State Police is cutting back on patrols. So this basically means you’re less safe as a direct result of the economy. But the free market will fix that, right? I can’t remember which right-wing spin is appropriate in this instance. And this isn’t just happening with the KSP. It’s across the board. [C-J]

More on Mitch McConnell’s Money

We forgot to mention this in our original story about McConnell’s personal financial disclosure, but Senator Mitch McConnell’s assets grew by at least 40% while almost everyone else on earth got poor and starved to death. Oh, and Harry Reid is also in the same richie rich boat.

From The Hill:

Reid’s assets may have increased as much as $1.2 million. He has invested his wealth in an array of public and non-public assets, such as a Dow Jones Energy Index Fund and a healthcare sector index fund. His other assets include several mining claims and properties.

McConnell’s publicly traded investments grew by at least $600,000, or 40 percent. He reported public assets worth $1.5 million-$3.5 million in 2006. Those swelled to between $2.1 million and $7.8 million in 2007. He also reported a Washington property worth between $1 million and $5 million that stayed at the same value.

Despite their rising financial fortunes, Senate leaders say they still appreciate the economic struggles of the middle class. “American families are earning less today than five years ago and paying more for everyday necessities like a gallon of gas, heat for the home, and, of course, groceries,” Reid said on the Senate floor Monday. “And they’re paying more than ever for long-term needs like the goals of healthcare, college and retirement.

Republican Sex Perverts in the Afternoon Updates

John Boehner’s coming to town to help Brett Guthrie raise the skrilla and some dude we’ve never heard of is campaigning for Anne Northup. [PolWatchers]

Kids in Kentucky are poor, starving and going woah downhill. We’re all gonna die. Also, this is depressing/sad/hard to read. [C-J]

What? McConnell never distorts reality? And never takes things out of context? Mitch McConnell and Fox News are pros at distorting Barack Obama’s statement about high gas prices. Edited and taken out of context, no less. Imagine that. We won’t hold our breath for David Adams to feign outrage over this. [Huffington Post]

Not exactly mind blowing, but Kentucky agencies are only 80% compliant with the Civil Rights Act. The Governor’s Office for Local Development, Kentucky Board of Elections, Cabinet for Economic Development and Finance and Administration Cabinet all failed to succeed by having minority board representation in 2007. [PolWatchers]

Rep. John Yarmuth announced legislation that could dramatically increase oil production in the USA. Would compel oil companies to use the 68 million acres the federal government leased to them for oil and natural gas production, but are failing to use. Or lose it. This could double U.S. oil production and cut oil imports by one-third. 68 million acres is more than three times the size of the 19 million acre Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, of which only about eight percent is being considered for drilling. [Press Release]

Louisville International Airport’s spinmeisters are believing their own spin! “Airport officials expected to hear complaints after May 1, when most airlines added a $20 to $25 charge to check a second bag for passengers, but they didn’t hear a word, Tyra said.” What on earth planet are they living on? That’s all travelers can talk about these days. It’s all over the news and all over every air terminal in the country. [Business First]

Oh Snap Monday! Cicadas Are Maneaters Edition

Campaign signs are really upsetting some folks in Bowling Green. Primarily those of Greg Fischer. We’re not harping, just sharing this link. But it’s interesting that Warren County is considering an ordinance to tightly restrict campaign signs after the recent primary because of illegally placed signs from a few candidates: Brett Guthrie and Greg Fischer. Most of Boswell’s signs quickly disappeared after the primary, but Fischer’s are still up, Gaines said. “He’s all over the county,” he said. [Bowling Green Daily News]

Theeeeeeey’re back! The cicadas! We’ve all gotta move far, far away for several months or our nerves will be entirely shot. The 17-year buggers are popping up everywhere and we just know we’re all going to go crazy. The streets and sidewalks are sure to be crunchy in no time. Please do not eat these creatures of the devil like the article suggests or you will be cast into hell where you will rot forever. [C-J]

According to Brett Hall, the economy is getting greener and it only helps Republicans like John McCain. Unemployment rates are fine (even though everyone has six jobs at McDonald’s and Wal-Mart), inflation has only flared up a bit (even though everything has doubled in price) and we’re not in a recession because we aren’t experiencing fuel shortages. Also, be sure to check out the story he’s just now jumping on about Michelle Obama screaming “whitey” or something. Makes perfect sense that a candidate for governor in AL would want to hire him up, doesn’t it? [Brett Hall]

Guess it’s just coincidental propaganda that the Herald-Leader a top story headlined “Food and gasoline: Soaring prices hit the poor hardest.” on the same day, right? The consumer price index for food that rose five percent last year has nothing to do with it, of course. Nothing to do gas prices. Nothing to do with wages not keeping up with inflation. [H-L]

Did you know? Republicans are calling universal health care an “insurance scheme.” Because, you know, the free market always and totally takes care of the problems we encounter. Especially when it comes to health care. Maybe outsourcing health care to India and China will solve all of our problems. [KY Progress]

We’re puzzled by Jim Carroll’s latest piece about Barack Obama’s friendship and working relationship with Dick Lugar. Nothing negative, just puzzled. Something about politics by association? Also, air traffic controllers are still being overworked and will kill us all. John McCain will lose in November because Dubya’s approval rating is non-existent, economic growth is negative or whatever and because Newt Gingrich took over the world like 15 years ago. Also, what’s with republishing material from a blog as part of a newspaper column? [C-J]