Oh Snap Monday! It’s MLK Day in the USA!

Since it’s MLK day, we’re gonna mostly be woah slow and such on the content front. You’ll have to suck it up. Because we have all kinds of planning to do for tomorrow.

Not only can you get a free abortion doughnut from Krispy Kreme on inauguration day, you can get a free tall cup of coffee from Starbucks if you pledge to volunteer in your community for five hours. You can pick up pledge cards inside Starbucks January 21st – 25th. Get fat for free on Tuesday and then get caffeinated for free on Wednesday! Will this turn into abortion coffee? One can only hope. [Seattle Post-Intelligencer]

Wait, what’s that? Free cosmetics on Inauguration day? Yeah, that’s right. Get fat, caffeinated and smelly. FOR FREE. [Cosmetic Settlement]

Oh noes! Why do the homosexuals want to serve in the military? For the sexing, of course. Dingbat Gregory D. Lee tells us why gays are only in it for the man meat. And in other news, is this a flashback to Conservative Republican self-hater Mark Murphy or WHAT, ladies? Where do these sickos come from? Lee must be a closet pervert. [HuffPo Hilarity]

The Herald-Leader has several touching profiles about those in Lexington traveling to Washington, D.C. for the historic inauguration of Barack Obama. She grew up in segregated Lexington so it’s hard to overstate the excitement for her. These stories remind us why we love our country. [H-L]

Yet another heartwarming story from the Herald! A mystery solved and a family found. [H-L]

I love reminding friends who support Sarah Palin just how stupid she’s turned out to be. Now she says the Feds are wrong, Beluga whales and polar bears don’t need to be on the endangered species list? [Twilight Earth]

P.J. Pacifico will be at Derby City Espresso in Louisville on March 28th. Register to win a free copy of his latest CD. [Page One]

Read the rest of the juicy juicy– the last of which is pure hilarity– after the jump…

Read moreOh Snap Monday! It’s MLK Day in the USA!

Thursd… OMG WE’RE ALL GONNA FREEZE!

It is now official eleventy degrees below zero. The end. We are all gonna die of not just the poor, but the cold cold cold.

Daniel Mongiardo is ratcheting up the U.S. Senate talk with the Herald-Leader. He tells the paper he’s heard of polls that show him with a double-digit lead over Jim Bunning. What Daniel doesn’t tell the paper is that he is flat-out lying. We’ve seen the poll. Mongiardo had about a 9-point lead over Bunning with a 4-point margin of error. Conway had about a 15-point lead. And Crit Luallen was three points down. We believe a crowded Democratic primary would be a good thing. But we don’t think it’s likely Mongiardo could win the librulz he’d need. Even less likely that he could beat Jack Conway in the golden triangle. Because, let’s face it: Crit and the governor will back Jack. Oh, need we remind you that Mongiardo’s ENTIRE STAFF bailed on him? Yeah. [Bluegrass Politics]

Mo Rocca was in Frankfort yesterday to praise Kentucky and Lincoln with CBS News Sunday Morning. His segment will air on February 15th. [LexGo]

It’s fancy how the gays can now be in the military redecorating your tanks and such. Fine and dandy. We’d like to remind the Courier-Journal’s editorial board that Bill Clinton had no balls when it came to Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell sixteen years ago. He promised the world he wouldn’t promote discrimination– it was a campaign platform– and he decided at the last minute to throw people under the bus, including his main gay David Mixner. [C-J]

Barack Obama’s official portrait is the first ever presidential portrait taken with a digital camera. It was taken on January 13, 2009 at 5:38 P.M. with no flash with a Canon EOS 5D Mark II. [Change.gov]

Conservative members of the GOP– including fake conservative Mitch McConnell– are singing the praises of treasury nominee Timothy Geithner. [WaPo]

We’re going to throw up if people don’t stop using “Joe the INSERT THINGY HERE” meme for whatever pet cause is hip at the moment. Really, Joe the Smoker? Barf. Makes sense, though, that the only people against a smoking ban are those who believe Sarah Palin could be a truly visionary president and leader of the free world. [C-J]

OMG! Dahahahaha. Scott Jennings just started Twittering and had this hilarious update last night:


Kentucky Recognized for Military Elections Access

The Pew Center on the States rated Kentucky as one of the 25 states where overseas military voters have sufficient time to cast absentee ballots in state elections. This all comes just a year after Secretary of State Trey Grayson and the State Board of Elections expanded outreach to active duty Kentuckians abroad.

“The right of Kentucky military men and women overseas to have their vote counted is a top priority for me and the State Board of Elections,” stated Secretary of State Trey Grayson. “We have worked diligently over the last several years to expand access to our overseas voters. While we appreciate the recognition from Pew, we knew that our efforts were worthwhile after hearing personal testimonies from our soldiers who had the opportunity to cast their votes in this year’s presidential election.”

From a press release:

Prior to the 2008 election, several new services were introduced for Kentucky voters living overseas including a new, easy-to-understand website dedicated solely to overseas voters as well as an automated ballot delivery program. The site, developed by the Overseas Vote Foundation, helped shorten the transit time to get ballots back to Kentucky in time to be counted on Election Day, which was a primary focus of the Pew Center on States Research. The site received nearly 2,000 unique visitors from over 76 countries during the 2008 election cycle.

In addition, Kentucky participated in the Federal Voting Assistance Program (FVAP) Automated Ballot Delivery Program, providing voters with greater access to timely and accurate absentee voting information. An electronic alternative to the by-mail process, the program is designed to expedite the absentee voting process and facilitate communication between local election offices and voters overseas.

Through the FVAP Program, Kentucky had over 300 election forms completed by voters. In addition, Kentucky represented nearly 50% of all ballots downloaded by voters across the country utilizing the FVAP Program.

Click here for more information on the program and other successes we’ve had here in the Commonwealth.

RUH RO: Known Homosexual for Navy Secretary

Wouldn’t that be terrifying? A gay, with a job. Oh noes.

Some top retired military leaders and some Democrats in Congress are backing William White, chief operating officer of the Intrepid Museum Foundation, to be the next secretary of the Navy – a move that would put the first openly gay person at the top of one of the services.

The secretary’s job is a civilian position, so it would not run afoul of the ban on gays serving in the military, but it would renew focus on the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy as President-elect Barack Obama prepares to take office.

“He would be phenomenal,” said retired Gen. Hugh Shelton, who was chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff from 1997 to 2001, pointing to Mr. White’s extensive background as a fundraiser for veterans’ and military causes.

Retired members of the Joint Chiefs have contacted Barry Obama to urge the selection.

Beware, mouth breathers! The homosexuals are coming to homosexualize you, in the Navy, for fun.

Your Afternoon Dept of Faux MTR Experts

Jesus. In a guitar. What a miracle. [CNN Video]

Send holiday mail to soldiers abroad! Must be postmarked by December 10th. [Red Cross]

How sweet! Mitch McConnell and Steve Beshear had a fancy meeting today in Warshington. [Trey Pollard]

Al Franken is now ahead in Homosota. [TPM]

Now-disgraced chair of the Kentucky Democratic Party Jennifer Moore is better than Matt Stoller. What! [Barefoot & Progressive]

Must be a super-slow news day. Mainstreamers are jumping on the story of the Courier-Journal’s demise literally months after Rick jumped on it. [Joe Arnold]

Isn’t it great how idiots like Keith Hall think you can’t comment on something unless you live it 24/7? Interesting, since people like him always have something to say about how terrible the gays or or how terrible us big city folk are. [More Trey Pollard]

Millions of years later, General Romeo Dallaire is being taken seriously at the United Nations. 14 years too late. It’s almost as if UN Members finally read Dallaire’s book or something. We’ve spent time in Rwanda and are pleased that the world is finally talking about the genocide there. Watch Christiane Amanpour’s “Scream Bloody Murder” tomorrow at 9:00 P.M. on the CNN teevee. [CNN & More CNN]

Today Is Slower Than That Slow-Motion Nightmare We Have Where Jim Gooch Is Trampling Us As He Chases Ruth Ann Palumbo Down As She Runs Away With His Coconut Cake

Our old school 19″ teevee died today. Guess this means someone needs to buy us a fancy LCD of some sort ASAP! You’ve been notified.

We just spent eleventy hundred thousand hours prepping for taxes and it is official: we hate them. Ugh. Thank goodness NOTHING is happening in the news today.

We also spent most of the day listening to this new song on repeat. Apparently we have been suckered into liking a “pop” song by some gentleman’s group called “The Fray.” Is that bad? Does this mean we’ve sold out and become a follower (like having an iPhone and new MBP don’t already prove we’re elitists or something)?

Ran into our buddy William today – I forgot to ask him which episodes of Lost he’ll be in this season. Needless to say, we’ll remember next time.

In other news, we hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving or al Qaeda turkeys or whatever it is you do on Thursday. If you have the time, go work in your local shelter while you’re off work. We’re fans of Wayside Christian Mission. Not familiar with shelters around the state, so, post links and junk in the comments if you wish.

Guess it’s time for us to get back to watching this video of a cat chasing its leash over and over as we count our millions of dollars from Bruce Lunsford while writing poetry about the awesome sounds of partial-birth abortions.

Dubya came to Ft. Campbell. The American people are safer but broke. The end. [C-J Political Blog]

In case you were wondering? This is what’s wrong with America. [Wonkette & AIG]

Known urine-injecter Ann Coulter has had her mouth wired shut. For reals. [Huffington Post]

ALERT! Humana is GAY! Humana has become a sponsor of DOLLYWOOD. Dollywood, people. Dollywood! [Business First]

Last night, the nation’s fifth hand transplant took place at Jewish Hospital in Louisville. The patient, Jan “Erik” Hondusky, is in stable condition. The surgery took nine hours (the amount of time it takes us to count our millions funneled in from Trey Grayson and Jonathan Hurst). Hondusky is a 43-year-old production worker who injured his right hand in a furnace accident in 2006. Kind of exciting for this to happen in our beautiful Commonwealth. [Press Release]

Old Fat Naked Women For Peace. The jury is out on whether or not we’re supposed to be afraid of this. [Righteous Mothers Video]

Since it’s the holidays and all that, this is for all the homosexuals, latent homosexuals and ladies. [Clicky Clicky]

Ruh Ro: Some Big VA Money Scandal

Oh snap. There’s a big ass V.A. scandal going down. Here’s Hebert’s teaser.

And here’s the C-J story:

Fourteen people were indicted yesterday in Louisville for conspiring to defraud the Veterans Administration out of $1.9 million by fabricating phony claims for disabilities.

The indictment alleges that the ringleaders were Daniel Ryan Parker, 37, a supervisor at Disabled American Veterans in Louisville, and Jeffrey Allan McGill, also 37, who worked at the VA regional office in Louisville and whose job was reviewing claims.

The indictment also alleges that 11 veterans falsely claimed to suffer from bipolar disorder, hearing loss, frostbite, back injuries and other ailments and disabilities.

The veterans allegedly received lump-sum payments for back pay and then kick backed as much as two-thirds of it to Parker and McGill, according to the indictment.

This is the lowest of the low. Lower than anything Robert Felner ever did. Dishonoring and taking advantage of the one segment of society who TRULY deserves to be put on a pedestal and taken care of forever? Scum of the earth.

Meanwhile, hundreds of veterans are homeless and dying in Kentucky thanks to inadequate care and support from these douche nozzles.

Keep checking the C-J story for updates from Andy Wolfson, one of the best reporters on-staff at the Courier-Journal.

And be thankful for David Huber and the rest of his crew in the U.S. Attorney’s office. Here’s hoping the Obama Administration keeps him around.