Oh Snap Monday! It’s MLK Day in the USA!

Since it’s MLK day, we’re gonna mostly be woah slow and such on the content front. You’ll have to suck it up. Because we have all kinds of planning to do for tomorrow.

Not only can you get a free abortion doughnut from Krispy Kreme on inauguration day, you can get a free tall cup of coffee from Starbucks if you pledge to volunteer in your community for five hours. You can pick up pledge cards inside Starbucks January 21st – 25th. Get fat for free on Tuesday and then get caffeinated for free on Wednesday! Will this turn into abortion coffee? One can only hope. [Seattle Post-Intelligencer]

Wait, what’s that? Free cosmetics on Inauguration day? Yeah, that’s right. Get fat, caffeinated and smelly. FOR FREE. [Cosmetic Settlement]

Oh noes! Why do the homosexuals want to serve in the military? For the sexing, of course. Dingbat Gregory D. Lee tells us why gays are only in it for the man meat. And in other news, is this a flashback to Conservative Republican self-hater Mark Murphy or WHAT, ladies? Where do these sickos come from? Lee must be a closet pervert. [HuffPo Hilarity]

The Herald-Leader has several touching profiles about those in Lexington traveling to Washington, D.C. for the historic inauguration of Barack Obama. She grew up in segregated Lexington so it’s hard to overstate the excitement for her. These stories remind us why we love our country. [H-L]

Yet another heartwarming story from the Herald! A mystery solved and a family found. [H-L]

I love reminding friends who support Sarah Palin just how stupid she’s turned out to be. Now she says the Feds are wrong, Beluga whales and polar bears don’t need to be on the endangered species list? [Twilight Earth]

P.J. Pacifico will be at Derby City Espresso in Louisville on March 28th. Register to win a free copy of his latest CD. [Page One]

Read the rest of the juicy juicy– the last of which is pure hilarity– after the jump…

Read moreOh Snap Monday! It’s MLK Day in the USA!

Last Boring Monday Afternoon Update in 2008

There’s just not a damn thing going on in Kentucky these days. Frankfort is a cemetery. Everyone is lazy and/or in a sugar coma. And we have all kinds of meetings. So here are some more boring updates for you use in your time wasting endeavors.

What are you doing for New Year’s Eve? Hitting up the state parks? You should, if there’s nothing else to do in your God forsaken, middle-of-nowhere town. [State Parks]

OH MY GOD! Virginity pledges don’t stop teens from having tons of wild sex! What! Can you believe this? [AP]

Haha. We almost peed a little behind this mess. Dick Cheney saying that he has no idea why he’s so horribly unpopular. [Casper Star Tribune]

What new country would you move to? We think Kentucky would totally Jesus its way into the southern one, not the northeastern one. We’d take the elitist northeastern route, preferably, as there will probably be better espresso there. [WSJ]

Wait, wait. These dudes think Mitch McConnell is a warrior and a leader. For reals. [American Spectator]

Sorry, Crit won’t run. Jack will. And Trey won’t run against Jack. If Jack didn’t run and it was Mongiardo, though? Trey would run against him and win. [Politico]

Tuesday, Not Wednesday Afternoon Dept of IL Humor & Sympathy

Now that we know it’s Tuesday and not WEDNESDAY, we’re spending all afternoon watching this fancy Illinois press conference. I mean, are you watching this mess? The best entertainment on CNN in months. It’s awesome that Blagojevich was all, “Eff Obama! If I don’t get what I want, I’ll just take the Senate seat myself!” or whatever. This is one of the most impressive pressers ever. Patrick Fitzgerald is our new hero.

Bruce Lunsford is a homosexual sympathizer. He got $1,000 from Barbra Streisand. [Trey Pollard]

Robert King was named president of the Kentucky Council on Postsecondary Education. He’ll begin his term by April 1. King is the former chancellor of the State University of New York, the largest higher education system in the country. [Mark Hebert]

Here’s Beshear’s statement on the appointment: “I am excited to have someone of Robert King’s stature leading our system of public higher education in Kentucky. Mr. King brings a national reputation for leadership in higher education to Kentucky. At this critical juncture in the reforms of higher education, having someone with his experience, intellect and national standing will be invaluable as we seek to make college more affordable and accessible to more young Kentuckians.” [Press Release]

Why can’t Mitch McConnell grow a pair and actually LEAD on this ridiculous bailout front? Why is he “reserving comment” at a time like this? He won re-election and it’s high time for him to speak up. [CBS/Politico]

All right. Laugh it up all you want. But this deal from the Department of Parks for New Year’s Eve sounds pretty cool. Barren River, Blue Licks, Buckhorn, Cumberland Falls, Dale Hollow, Jenny Wiley, Pine Mountain, et al. It’s a cheap ticket for two at most locations. Dinner buffets, a room, breakfast buffets. Hit it up. Especially if you live in the middle of nowhere and have nothing better to do. [State Parks]

Lexington Author in Smithsonian Magazine

Lexington author Kim Edwards has a feature about Lexington in this month’s issue of Smithsonian.

She’s a New Yorker transplanted in Kentucky and seems to love everything Kentuckians love about the Bluegrass. Despite her use of Mammoth “Caves” instead of “Cave,” (sorry, we couldn’t resist) it’s still a great read. And it’s nice to see Kentucky get positive press.

When I moved to Lexington, Kentucky, 12 years ago, I often had the sense of having taken half a step back in time. It was nothing I could pinpoint exactly. Though Lexington is small enough that I can drive to pretty much any part of town in 15 minutes, it has all the cultural amenities you’d hope to find in a city of 255,000. There’s an opera house and a symphony, organic food stores, farmers’ markets, art films at the Kentucky Theatre, a terrific independent bookstore, a bluegrass music festival in June and an art fair in August. In recent years, condos have cropped up all over downtown, reflecting a new interest in urban living. It is a contemporary place.

Still, the past keeps drifting up, like memory. I first drove here in the spring, when the dogwoods and the redbuds were spilling like foam and fire against the green hills, the road curving amid horse farms and framed by miles of dry stone walls. Perhaps those timeless images shaped my initial impressions. Or maybe it was finding a local institution like Wheeler Pharmacy, founded 50 years ago, which still has a soda fountain and grill and a steady stream of regulars who line up for breakfast, lunch or after-school snacks, often ordering Ale-8-One, a ginger-flavored soft drink made nearby since 1926. The baggers in the grocery store all politely called me ma’am. To my amazement, they routinely offered to carry my groceries to the car. The hardware store, now closed, smelled of dust and metal and new wood, just like my grandfather’s lumber business in upstate New York, where as a child I used to play in the aisles amid the bins of nails and walls of doorknobs.

Click here to read the rest…

Oh Snap Monday! It Snowed! Kroger Is Empty!

Michael Carneal was denied a new hearing. Interesting read and a look back at the Paducah tragedy. [C-J]

Bitter hatemongers? Nah, never. Not in this country. [NYTimes]

This is why you should be giving back. [C-J]

What’s awesome? When The McConnell campaign and the Northup campaign give or sell their email lists to the company that handles public relations for Maker’s Mark. Isn’t that fancy? And potentially illegal? Yeah. [Email Blasts]

That’s right. Kentucky law requires the state department of Homeland Security to credit God with keeping the Commonwealth safe. Seriously. And it’s all Tom Riner’s doing. Every time we read about Tom, we think about how his wife loves stealing legislative district elections every four years. And of the weird Jesus magnets they send out to constituents every year. Fancy! [Oh Gag]

FEAR! The gays! They really are coming to YOUR town! Fancy trailer of a fancy AFA hatemonger video.  We’ve written about it before, but enjoy it again. [Wonkette]

Yup. Daniel Mongiardo is a first-rate homophobe who has an eff-load of fences to mend before he ever considers higher office. Demanding that members of the state house sign pledges to never support anything homo-rific is hardly a way to win in the golden triangle. That’s just reality. [Hilarious Posturing]

Does anyone else spend way too much time enjoying the history of our executive mansions in this country? The White House is one of our favorites. And when we can’t waste countless hours inside the building museum in D.C., we visit sites like this one. [White House History]

You should read this profile from Cheryl Truman about Dubai’s Princess Haya Bint Al Hussein. Because you’re going to be hearing a lot about her through the 2010 World Equestrian Games. [H-L]

Doesn’t the ridiculous Wall Street Journal editorial board make you want to pee? I mean, really? “After years of obstruction by Senate Democrats…” HAHAHA. That’s the sort of revisionist history the paper uses in its opener for a story about how Mitch McConnell plans to block everything, forever, when it comes to pushing religionut judicial appointees and blocking Obama’s non-nutbags. [WSJ]

In case you were wondering, this is quite possibly the gayest thing on earth. Ever. The end. [Anderson Cooper vs. Michael Phelps]

Ugh. What A Boring & Slow News Day

Is anything at all happening? Anything? Is anyone awake or pretending to do work? What is going on? We can’t even find non-boring articles to read about how broke we are as a country. There are only like four press releases to look at today– and we read all of them, in their entirety.

Did you know we are: faggots, spin machinists, mean, attackers, Republicans, Democrats, satanists, poor, broke, stupid, dumb, evil, paid for by Trey Grayson, Bruce Lunsford, Mitch McConnell, John Yarmuth, Democratic House Caucus and Joni Jenkins? Yeah.

In other news, someone should buy us this so we can make one of these fetus jump drives.

Aww. Republicans in Georgia jacked up an opportunity to take advantage of absentee voting. Imagine that. [Atlanta Journal-Constitution]

Actually, Joe, you should be a bit more honest about what you’re up to. You shouldn’t take direction from any particular political party. You should remain objective. Stick to reporting instead of offering your opinion, which has been tainted by a particular political party. We know– they called us, too, and tried to spin it. They were polite and well-reasoned, but it was still spin. We also hear you couldn’t even research the KRS on your own. Now you can email us to complain about what we’re saying about you instead of what truthful things we’ve said about Nancy Rodriguez. [C-J]

Today and tomorrow Attorney General Jack Conway, Kentucky Child Now and the Kentucky Department of Education are hosting an i-Jame Internet Safety Conference for parents, teachers and educators in Lexington. Lots of discussion about safety, perverts on MySpace, cyberbullying, onling gaming and how not to to stupid things on the internets. Good move. [Press Release]

For real. We’re all gonna die of the poverty and the starvation. The Fed is offering to dole out $7.4 trillion (with a T) to save failed companies that are suffering from failed leadership and all-out corruption. And the mouth breathers are still trying to blame Barry for turning us into a socialist country. Nice. [Bloomberg]

What Democratic brand? Really, what brand? We don’t have a brand in Kentucky anymore. [C-J]

Join the Family Adventure Quest! State Parks are offering tons of gift cards and this year it’ll be fun with a presidential/Lincoln flair. [Kentucky State Parks]