Everything Is Always Puppies And Rainbows Here

How long will it take mouth-breathers to freak out over this story about an illegal immigrant charged with prostituting underage girls in Kentucky? [H-L]

Congress is considering legislation allowing the government to search through Internet traffic for early warnings of cyberattacks. The bills are controversial — worries about government surveillance have led to protests online. [NPR]

Of course this teabagger legislator is a race-baiting twit. You already know they do things like push for allowing discrimination on the basis of race. [HuffPo]

Humbler horizons? America’s economy is growing at an unimpressive rate. It may not be able to go much faster. [The Economist]

You apparently can’t even go swimming in your own pool in Lexington without finding someone who has drowned or been suicided. [WKYT]

The Kentucky Kingdom-Koch Family-Ed Hart mess is turning into a nice scandal for Steve Beshear, Greg Fischer, Larry Hayes and crew. It’s going to cost Kentucky taxpayers millions upon millions of dollars. [The ‘Ville Voice]

A former Jessamine County Emergency Medical Services employee has filed a lawsuit alleging discriminatory practices by the county. [H-L]

Two Republican judges declared the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional. This will further freak all the mouth-breathers out today. [Think Progress]

Whaaaat? Filings for unemployment benefits are at a five-week high? We thought everything with the economy was puppies and rainbows. [WLEX18]

Maybe the Republican House majority in Warshington isn’t so safe. [WaPo]

If Walmart can end its relationship with ALEC? Then there’s no excuse for Democratic legislators in Kentucky to continue ties with the organization. [HuffPo]

Apparently people who drive Fords will get preferential treatment at the Kentucky Speedway? [FOX41]

Private payroll growth accelerated only slightly last month and claims for jobless benefits rose last week, suggesting the U.S. labor market recovery was stalling after a strong performance early in the year. [Reuters]

A handful of bloated, white Republican men in Kentucky are claiming President Barack Obama is the economic satan. But let’s get back to reality and take a look at what Mittens Romney’s Massachusetts record actually contains. [Click the Clicky]

Michele Beard Bachmann’s Now A Swiss Patriot

What’s that? Oh, yes, President Barack Obama announced his support for gay marriage this afternoon. [Freedom to Marry, The Advocate, NYT, HuffPo, BBC, WaPo, Yahoo]

The president of a mail order bride company has been lobbying Republicans to water down protections for abused immigrants. [HuffPo]

Lexington is still super-nervous about potential United States Postal Service closures. [WLEX18]

Anybody receive those nasty, negative robocalls from Alecia Webb-Edgington? She’s had a lot of nasty things to say about her opponents. [Alecia’s Hypocrisy]

Why is the jack-booted government arresting all of these nice white supremacists?! [Wonkette]

Way to go, Morehead, this is just the sort of story you need to make the town seem awesome. [WKYT]

Way to go, Morgan County, for having one of your own stab a dog during a domestic dispute. Let’s keep it up with the backwater behavior. [H-L]

Gas prices have been falling for five consecutive weeks, defying prognosticators who said the cost would soar to a national average of $5 a gallon. [HuffPo]

Earlier today, Hershael York endorsed Gary Moore in the 4th District Congressional primary. [Press Release & Video]

Yep, let’s keep pretending mouth-breathers won’t vote on the basis of race and such. It’ll work out really well for the country. [WHAS11]

It’s always nice to see Kentucky artists getting lots of national recognition. So take a look at these ten Kentucky bands you should listen to now. [Paste Magazine]

Michele Beard Bachmann hates America so much that she has exercised her right to become a Swiss citizen. [Reuters]

Why do people choose political loyalties over facts? It’s likely not all about money and perceived superiority. [NPR]

The American Pain Foundation shut down as Senators launched an investigation of painkillers. [ProPublica]

Why Did McCheese Try To Hide His Tax Meeting?

Poor Mittens Romney still can’t figure out where he stands on the issue of immigration. [HuffPo]

Here’s the glowing mainstream media review of Jerry Abramson and his tax “reform” commission. Absolutely no mention of his attempt to stifle transparency and to keep proceedings secret. [C-J/AKN]

Lexington got something else right: the council voted against discussing a reduction of ambulance staffing levels. In Louisville, Metro Government allows EMS to continually fall off a cliff. [H-L]

Papaw and Jane thanked some man in Kansas for a free hot beef inj… donation. [WLEX18]

Look how cute! It’s Mitch McConnell pretending that only Democrats use Washington to come up with new campaign material. [WaPo]

You already know Whitley County is a hot mess so you won’t be surprised to learn a man assaulted somebody with brass knuckles. [WKYT]

So much for promised transparency! Jerry Abramson and the Beshear Administration tried to hide today’s tax “reform” meeting by asking the Legislative Research Commission to keep its cameras turned off. [Page One]

LG&E and Kentucky Utilities want to give you $30 for your old fridge or freezer. [FOX41]

So Barack Obama was all, hey students, let me come to your college and sing you some Al Green and whisper sweet nothings about Derrida and Pound and TS Eliot and also about how it is important that the interest rate on your student loan does not DOUBLE, and Republicans were all hey that is not fair because our position is really unpopular and you are being “political” and “pathetic” by pointing it out! [Wonkette]

Here you go. Here’s the University of Kentucky’s tuition hike funtimes. [H-L]

Of course a Republican group’s newsletter is urging an “armed revolution” if President Barack Obama is reelected. That’s how mouth-breathers operate. [HuffPo]

Facing federal action, Kentucky moved to increase reclamation bonds for surface mines. Funny how that always works. [WFPL]

Huge Scandal In Frankfort Just Got A Lot Worse

On January 5 we revealed the shocking news that State Senator Jimmy Higdon was a Secret Mexican.

Frankfort completely melted down and Doug Hawkins was spotted crying in Louisville.

Life got a whole lot worse for the Commonwealth on March 20, though, because we uncovered even more proof that Higdon is a Secret Mexican:

Troubling news, indeed. Damaging photographic evidence.

But this weekend, Higdon let himself slip by sending Jake a tweet IN SPANISH (translation for Frankfort: “IN MEXICAN”):

Alarming that this man is allowed to walk the halls of the capitol and the annex.

Jim Gray: Come Out With The Truth Right Now

Jim Gray may want to sack up and start answering questions about why Cheryl Taylor, the now-former Commissioner of Environmental Quality and Public Works was forced to resign. Taxpayers need to know if she funneled money to her husband. [H-L]

Laawwwwwwwd. You need to look at this fake picture of Michele and Marcus Bachmann and then read this hot mess of a story. You will pee all over yourself. [The Bilerico Project]

Did McCreary County buck a “Democrat” trend or a DemocratIC trend? You’d think a news editor would know. [McCreary County Record]

Mitch McConnell loves lately to pretend that he is bipartisan. You know that couldn’t be further from reality. [Politico]

Casey, Breathitt, Todd, Daviess, Livingston and Garrard Counties were selected to be audited for voting irregularities by Jack Conway’s office. [Press Release]

If California can stumble toward a solution to its public pension problem, why can’t Kentucky? Oh, right. Frankfort. [The Economist]

If racist halfwits ate anything other than corn syrup and pig anus, they’d be worried about their fear stifling the farming industry. [MSNBC]

Another day, another death at an Eastern Kentucky coal mine. But those regulations are so scary, right? [C-J/AKN]

The air is finally coming out of Sexytime Herman Cain’s sexytime crazy balloon. It’s a sad day for comedy in America. [Reuters]

The best part about living in the United States is that whole, you know… oh, right again. That whole bit about this apparently being a police state. Because a bunch of hippies are such a threat. [Wonkette]

Your U.S. Congress is still trying to choke the Government Accountability Office. Starving its own budget-saving watchdog seems the norm, though. [HuffPo]

Woah, who let Peppy Martin loose to drive around Lexington in the early morning hours!? [WLEX18]

People are really freaking out in Frankfort this week. Pointing out that rumors are just rumors doesn’t even seem to phase the Beshear crew. [Page One]

Candidates like Michele Bachmann and Sexytime Herman Cain are such hot messes even the most creepy mouth-breathers are freaked out. [NY Times]

KET Will Host Most Interesting Debate This Evening

The Senate likes to think of itself as the world’s greatest deliberative body. But is it some big, arcane mess with negative consequences? [The Economist]

With the House voting to give states control over coal ash, Kentucky is truly and royally fucked. Hardcore fucked. [WKYT]

Here’s part of the reason why. Steve Beshear’s concerns for King Coal are sorely misplaced. [H-L]

Matthew Barzun is once again making it rain for President Barack Obama. This time for his re-election campaign. [ABC News]

What do you expect to happen during tonight’s KET forum with Jack Conway and Todd P’Pool? We expect P’Pool to foam at the mouth about Obama, because Todd still doesn’t realize we already know he’s afraid of a black man more important than him. But we also expect Todd – if he’s decided to sack up and bother being honest – to press Jack on several issues he’ll refuse to talk about. Should be highly entertaining. [Deep KET Thoughts]

This is what we mean by mainstream media failures. The headline: Beshear Administration allegedly receives large amount of money from state workers. Allegedly? The story itself is almost as bad. [WHAS11]

The University of Louisville Hospital merger mess is getting dirtier and dirtier. But with the tens of thousands of dollars Steve Beshear raked in from those who stand to gain from said merger, nothing is likely to slow it down. [C-J/AKN]

Brave patriot turd frother Rick Santorum warns America about dangerous single mother voters. [Wonkette]

Turns out a 14-year-old swiped those three flags from the Healing Field Memorial in Lawrenceburg. [WLEX18]

David Axelrod says Republican candidates don’t understand the anger behind Occupy Wall Street. Maybe it’s because they’re incapable? Meemaw n poppop are also having a tough time figuring things out. [HuffPo]

Marching for jobs and economic justice in the name of Martin Luther King Jr. makes way more sense to most people, though. [NPR]

Could this be the guy who finally saves the United States Postal Service? [WaPo]

Of course crazy ass Herman Cain is going to stumble on taxes and immigration. He comprehends neither. [NY Times]

Giving Silly Awards Instead Of Protecting The Commonwealth Of Kentucky’s Environment

The Energy and Environment Cabinet has nothing else better to do so it’s giving YET ANOTHER award to a coal company. No, wait, it’s giving TWO awards! [Press Releases]

We’re surprised Kentucky Democrats haven’t sought this horrible racist out for his thoughts on immigration. [Wonkette]

Seems like there’s never any hope in Eastern Kentucky. Now small towns can’t afford to pay their power bills. [H-L]

Will Jim King and the rest of Louisville’s Metro Council ever sack up and do the responsible thing with Metro Animal Services? Greg Fischer clearly isn’t capable. [The ‘Ville Voice]

Really? Jobless claims UNEXPECTEDLY rose? What planet are you living on if you were surprised by a rise? [HuffPo]

David Jones is putting his money where his mouth is and he’s offering $10 million of his own cash to build an East End Bridge in Louisville. [C-J/AKN]

Now the United States Postal Service wants to close 250 mail processing facilities. Closing all these facilities in Kentucky is crazy! [WKY]

John Boehner’s ideas for tax reform are no doubt insane. But no one can deny that comprehensive tax reform is needed. [Politico]

President Barack Obama has decided to exclude Social Security from the deficits plan. [Reuters]

Mitch McConnell and Steve Beshear are both praising Kentucky’s Medal of Honor recipient. [WFPL & Press Releases]

Adam Edelen is talking about pension reform. Just like David Williams. Can you believe that? [Ryan Alessi]

OH MY GOD! THEY’RE TRYING TO GET US THROUGH THE CANTALOUPE SUPPLY! And you know we buy like 50% of all cantaloupe that is sold in Kentucky. [ABC News]