Here’s your Golden Amero Overlord, Rand Paul, talking about how evil and abuse-riddled the Food and Drug Administration is:

Because we all know the only thing the FDA does is scare poor Amish people about their milk.

Can you believe that? Three people out of thousands involved in Warshington haven’t received personal telephone calls from the President.

And Little Rand is upset that Barry hasn’t sent him a text in response to his special brand of crazy.

More than 40% of Kentucky Democrats chose not to vote for President Barack Obama, instead choosing to remain “uncommitted.”

The grass green counties are the ones Obama won:

Chris Thieneman beat Dougie Hawkins.

Alecia Webb-Edgington lost to the teabagger, Rand Paul Junior.

Andy Barr will once again get to lose to Republican Ben Chandler in the fall.

Chris Hightower won his primary and will face Martha Jane King.

Reggie Meeks beat that teabagger girl, Wendy Caswell.

Diane St. Onge won her primary in the 63rd State House District.

Gary Conn finally got beat in the 37th Judicial District. He’ll no longer be Commonwealth’s Attorney and Kentucky will be the better for it.

Like we told you would happen, the national press is pointing out how anti-Obama Kentucky Democrats happen to be. [WaPo]

Why the hell did it take a judge to decide it was okay for a kid to wear a gay t-shirt? [WKYT]

Nope, no one turned out to vote. So few voted, in fact, that it is embarrassing to be a Kentuckian at the moment. [H-L]

The top Democrat in charge of protecting his party’s majority in the Senate thinks it can be done. But he’s deeply concerned his organization won’t have the money to do it. [HuffPo]

Here’s how the mainstream looked at teabagger birther segregationist Marilyn Parker. The hilarity is here, folks, and it is golden. [C-J/AKN]

A majority of people think Mittens Romney was more concerned with profits than he was concerned with jobs at Bain. [Daily Kos]

We are so, so very sad. Newt Gingrich is all out of whore diamonds! The world is such an awful place. Poor Newt. [Wonkette]

BRAVE PATRIOT Teabagger Birther Marilyn Parker is now essentially a Louisville Metro Council member. PEE ALERT. Let’s take this trip down the crazy lane. [The 'Ville Voice]

How a 21-year-old college kid bankrolled a congressional primary victory in Kentucky. Here’s a look at the RonRandMassie teabagger kid. Also, Preston Bates. HAHAHA. [Mother Jones]

Here’s the Ronnie Ellis take on the Fourth Congressional District primary that played out for Republicans last night. [Ronnie Ellis]

All the sudden, Geoff Davis is concerned about outside groups having influence in Kentucky. [Ryan Alessi]

Way to go, Eastern Kentucky! Two women were shot in the face by a man who then turned the gun on himself in Stanton on Tuesday afternoon. [H-L]

Of course Paul Patton is trying to figure out a way to get even more of your tax dollars to use at his private school. [H-L]

A super PAC’s abortive plan to launch incendiary, personally charged attack ads against President Barack Obama sent a sharp warning message to candidates up and down the federal ballot: This year more than ever, they are not in control of their own destinies. [Politico]

You could fill a baseball stadium many times with the people who experts say die each year from an error, injury or infection suffered while undergoing medical treatment. Many more are harmed. [ProPublica]

After emotional appeals from parents on both sides of the case, Dharun Ravi was this afternoon sentenced to 30 days in jail and three years of probation for bias intimidation and invasion of privacy when he used a webcam to spy on his gay roommate at Rutgers University in September 2010. [NPR]

The Supreme Court agreed on Monday to hear an Obama administration appeal arguing that attorneys, journalists and human rights groups have no right to sue over a law making it easier for U.S. intelligence agencies to eavesdrop on foreign communications. [Reuters]

A retail renaissance? The internet and mobile phones are at long last turning boring old retail banking into an exciting industry, says Jonathan Rosenthal. [The Economist]

What’ll happen in those Whitley County elections today? Will the good old boy system further its network of corruption? [Times-Tribune]

Hal Rogers’ fancy little airport is once again coming under fire. The Feds are raising questions about services contracts at the joint. [H-L]

Nope, no one is going to vote today. Turnout is expected to be worse than, well, you can imagine. [C-J/AKN]

What happens in Laurel County when you try to break up a fight? You get hit with an ax. Obviously. [WYMT]

Rick The Splooge owes all kinds of money to his mouth-breathing folks, apparently. Is he still a thing? Why are we still talking about Rick Santorum? [HuffPo]

Name: Doug Spoelker

Email: Doug217@gmail.com

Subject: Move.

Message: If Louisville is such a bad place to you, then seriously,
move back to eastern Ky. You are obviously a redneck cunt and your
family tree is straight up. I lived in Morehead for years, so I know
how inbred you rerards are. Your people are retards.

IP: 184.45.32.156
HOST: adsl-184-45-32-156.sdf.bellsouth.net

HAHA! How cute is that?

You should check the guy out on Facebook.

A real winner here, folks.

Candidates for the 4th District congressional seat were at KET on Monday for a debate. During a discussion about where money to pay for federal education grants comes from, get a load of what Thomas Massie had to say:

HAHA – China! Seems ole dude is taking his talking points directly from teabagger Phil Moffett. Interesting hearing the other candidates chuckle under their breath.

Bill Goodman’s response/rebuttal was terrific, though.

That’s what the Fourth District has to look forward to.

The wife of Chuck Wells says a defective heater caused a fire that killed her husband and she’s suing the manufacturer. [H-L]

Mittens Romney used to love the gays and once claimed he was a stronger supporter of gay rights than Ted Kennedy. Now? He’s terrified of the gays and trashing equality left and right. All because he’s trying to appeal to the mouth-breathers. [HuffPo]

Holy crap, it’s been a slow spiral for Jerry Lunsford. he was arrested and charged with driving under the influence of drugs. He’s still a business partner of Lt. Dan and is a division director with the Finance and Administration Cabinet. [State-Journal]

The Department of Justice is probing the JPMorgan Case mess. Will the DOJ ever look into the Kentucky Retirement Shenanigans? [NPR]

This idiot in Morehead shot his dog. This is why Eastern Kentucky can’t have nice things. [WKYT]

Banks can’t even exist in Maysville these days without just cold being robbed. [WLEX18]

Mike Huckabee is really mad at President Barack Obama and some thing about “morally repugnant political whores.” [Wonkette]

Democrats and Republicans are on another collision course over increasing U.S. borrowing authority as President Barack Obama told Republicans on Wednesday that he does not want spending cuts to accompany such legislation. [Reuters]

The orange man is basically threatening to take the economy to the brink of disaster again. [HuffPo]

This water fountain snafu in Lexington is just itching for a sexist joke that would offend most people. [H-L]

Pro-tip to teabaggers commenting on Ryan Alessi’s story about Super PACs: suggesting we’re less than okay because we legitimately criticize and discuss opponents of our advertisers is silly. If that’s your talking point, you’ll want to consider every other media outlet on earth that produces stories that are less than positive about opponents or competitors of advertisers. In fact, you’ll recall Jack Conway in 2010. He’s spent tons of cash with us and what happened? We revealed the truth about him, just as we’re doing with Thomas Massie, the teabagger. You need to get your teabagger logic checked before opening your mouth, “Mica.” [They Get Hilarious Comments]

Have you seen what the teevee folks in Louisville are freaking out over this week? Some country music people are in a town in Indiana where a tornado hit. [FOX41]

What was that, again, about us being the only folks to criticize Rand Paul, mouth-breathers? [C-J/AKN]

Didn’t take long for CoventryCares to resume coverage of that addiction drug. [Business First]

Whaaaaat? An undercover gay bathhouse spy was endorsed by Michele Beard Bachmann? Nope, it’s not her husband! This is getting more and more interesting. [Wonkette]

This story about Morehead State will literally make you pee your pants while laughing. [H-L]

Here’s a nice look at how Louisvillians will be screwed by the Louisville Water Company and Metro Sewer District. BEND OVER AND GRAB YOUR ANKLES! [C-J/AKN]

Really, you can’t even sit at home in Lexington without having your home invaded these days. [WKYT]

In Pennsylvania, there’s an industrial revolution going on. Battalions of drilling rigs are boring into the earth to extract natural gas from an underground layer of shale called the Marcellus formation. And as the wells multiply all along the western end of the state, people worry they may be facing another toxic legacy. [NPR]

On April 8th Envisat, Europe’s largest Earth-observing satellite, unexpectedly stopped talking to its users on the Earth below. Since then those users have been frantically trying to re-establish contact. [The Economist]

The House GOP leadership is moving swiftly to try to change the Violence Against Women Act to earn support from outside groups and gain passage on the floor. [Politico]

Doesn’t look like President Barack Obama’s decision to say he doesn’t hate the gays had much of an impact on polling. [Daily Kos]

The agreement over voting on amendments to the Export-Import Bank reauthorization legislation is a good example of how bills will make their way through the Senate, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell said Tuesday. [The Hill]

Is Thomas Massie a big time jobs creator? Not so much. And he’s following directly in Rand Paul’s hypocritical footsteps. [Page One Here & Here]

Will the Obama Campaign create a fancy website like this to hit Mittens Romney on his flip-floppy anti-gay ways? [Romney Economics]

You should read this scathing op-ed about Steve Beshear’s road budget veto harming the residents of Clinton County. [H-L]

For evangelicals and mouth-breathers, Mittens Romney is the lesser of two evils. I.E., Mormon cultists are easier to vote for than non-whites. [NPR]

How are the foreigns looking at the JPMorgan Chase scandal? With a lot more concern than those in the U.S., obviously. [BBC]

If you like JPMorgan’s $2 billion loss, you will like Mittens Romney and love Ron Paul. [The Hill]

Really, Southern Political Report? Let’s get a few things straight: Kentucky’s office of Homeland Security has nothing to do with national security and everything to do with doling out cash to buy radios and promote the governor. Otherwise Adam Edelen would never have held the position. And there is no race including Democrats because the Kentucky Democratic Republican Party can’t put a successful KY04 unit together if its life depends on it. [Eyes Rolling Hard]

This cat-lick school in Lexington refused to allow a lesbian couple to attend prom because it “upholds every teaching of the cat-lick church.” Which must mean all the churchymen there are perverts. [H-L]

People would just cold freak out if the mainstream media in Louisville ever published an Ohio River Bridges Debacle story like the one this Southern Indianner paper ran. [The 'Ville Voice]

A shiny new pipe dream? Capturing the carbon dioxide from power stations is not hard but it is expensive. A new project in Norway aims to make it cheaper. [The Economist]

We thought this already happened? Rand Paul endorsed Thomas Massie. He says Massie can make a difference… by being just like him and accomplishing absolutely nothing. [Ryan Alessi]

Remember that whole thing a few years ago, something about how the banks ruined the housing industry, your employment prospects, your children’s employment prospects, and the entire country, really, and in turn got billions of dollars from the taxpayers and continue to rake enormous bonuses and pretty much set the economic policy of the entire nation? [Wonkette]

You will probably pee a little bit (PEE ALERT) when you see this Republican congresscritter with an extreme case of the gay face saying businesses should be allowed to fire employees because they’re gay. [HuffPo]