Coal. Just. Keeps. On. Dying. Its. Death.

People can’t stop snickering over the Alison Daddy’s Name Grimes and Jerry Lundergan subpoenas. [H-L]

Tensions soared across the Hawkeye State during Monday’s Iowa Caucuses. Polls were thwarted, two candidates ended their run for the presidency and another decided to leave the state all together to get some fresh clothes. [HuffPo]

Some 300 or more Kentuckians could retroactively earn their GEDs as the state opts to lower the score required to pass the high school equivalency exam. [C-J/AKN]

Barclays and Credit Suisse have been fined a total of $154m (£108m) by US regulators for their US “dark pool” trading operations. [BBC]

Coal production in Kentucky has slumped to its lowest level since the 1950s after declining nearly 21 percent in 2015. [Harlan Daily Independent]

Hillary Clinton narrowly defeated Bernie Sanders in the Iowa caucuses, according to results announced by the state Democratic Party early Tuesday morning, a dramatic finish to a race so close that The Associated Press declined to call it even after every precinct except one had reported results. [Politico]

At a time when private support is more critical than ever, alumni and friends of Eastern Kentucky University are generously giving of their time, talents and treasure. [Richmond Register]

Damn self-haters. The Log Cabin Republicans are interested in holding Democrats to high standards for LGBT equality, but not their own party. [ThinkProgress]

Nine candidates have filed to run for six seats on the Morehead City Council in the November general election. [The Morehead News]

A journalist immerses herself in New York’s Family Court system and finds a mix of misery and modest hope. [ProPublica]

Documents released to the Glasgow Daily Times in response to open records requests shed slightly more information on the situation that led to a Glasgow Police Department sergeant’s firing. [Glasgow Daily Times]

The Pentagon’s planned 2017 budget will shifts its focus on future wars against near-peer competitors Russia and China, Defense Secretary Ash Carter said Tuesday. [The Hill]

A non-profit working to revitalize downtown Middlesboro has been awarded $20,000 under a program aimed at making local foods a greater part of local economies. [H-L]

A great man named Donald Trump once said, “I am a whiner, and I keep whining and whining until I win.” Sadly, this Churchillian testicular fortitude came to nought on Monday, as the country’s foremost wall-promiser and fear-player-onner went down to defeat in the GOP’s Iowa caucuses. [HuffPo]

Need cheap mobile phone service? Maybe even for a backup cell phone? I’m talking $6/mo cheap? Use our Ting referral code and we’ll all get a sweet credit. You get $25 — enough for a couple months of service to determine whether you like it. Both CDMA and GSM options. For worriers: no, you don’t get identified to us if you use our link… so please consider letting us know if you do! [Ting]

Make Plans For January 4 Swearing-In

If you haven’t kept up, Kentucky’s statewide constitutional officers will be sworn in on January 4 at 11:00 A.M. Eastern.

Governor Bigot and Lieutenant Governor Space Cadet will be on-hand for the event in the rotunda of the capitol in Frankfort. It’s free and open to the public.

Those being sworn in:

  • Allison Ball, State Treasurer
  • Andy Beshear, Attorney General
  • Alison Lundergan Grimes, Secretary of State
  • Mike Harmon, Auditor of Public Accounts
  • Ryan Quarles, Commissioner of Agriculture

Haven’t received a release from KET but it’s probably a safe assumption the event will be live on TV and streamed via KET’s website.

Let’s Hope Hampton Tones Down Extremism

Republican state Rep. Mike Harmon defeated state Auditor Adam Edelen, denying a second term to a politician many have seen as a rising star among Kentucky Democrats. [H-L]

Years before the high-profile deaths of Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown and Freddie Gray, more than half of African-American millennials indicated they, or someone they knew, had been victimized by violence or harassment from law enforcement, a new report says. [HuffPo]

Coal no longer burns at the LG&E Cane Run power plant, ending decades of production of waste products such as ash and sludge that brought blowing ash and foul odors. [C-J/AKN]

Kentucky’s newest lieutenant governor-elect is unique in many ways. She and her running mate, Gov.-elect Matt Bevin, are some of this election cycle’s first victorious political outsiders. (Bevin had been likened to Donald Trump). Jenean Hampton is also the first African American to be elected to statewide office in Kentucky. And she’s just one of a handful of black women on the national level to identify with the tea party movement. [WaPo]

The Harlan Fiscal Court met in a special called session on Friday to discuss a few topics including an agreement with the Kentucky Transportation Cabinet concerning $275,000 in discretionary funds for Harlan County roads from the Governor’s Office. [Harlan Daily Enterprise]

In the long legal struggle against the death penalty, the future has in some ways never looked brighter. [NY Times]

An investigation is underway after a deadly shooting in Rowan County. [WKYT]

A new design for lithium-air batteries overcomes several hurdles that have stood in the way of this “next-generation” concept. [BBC]

The only local race in Pulaski County’s general election has ended with former Ferguson Councilor Linda Hughes once again filling a seat on that city’s governing body. [Commonwealth Journal]

California jails could soon stop locking up tens of thousands of people who haven’t even appeared before a judge yet simply because they’re too poor to post bail, if a class-action lawsuit filed Wednesday succeeds. [ThinkProgress]

In a close decision, Henderson County residents approved the nickel tax in Tuesday’s election. [Henderson Gleaner]

From the Department of Things Ken Ham Wouldn’t Understand… The well-preserved partial skull and skeleton of a gibbon-like creature that lived 11.6 million years ago in Spain is shedding new light on the evolutionary history of modern apes. [Reuters]

Democratic Secretary of State Alison Lundergan Grimes narrowly won a second term Tuesday, blocking a challenge by Republican Steve Knipper, a former Erlanger city councilman. [H-L]

If you don’t think teachers are important and deserve mega raises, you ought to think again. [HuffPo]

Some Things That Happened Yesterday

Matt Bevin won 106 counties and Jack Conway won 14:

Counties Conway won: Union by 99, Henderson by 280, Jefferson by 27,805, Carroll by 56, Marion by 541, Franklin by 3,897, Fayette by 10,432, Bourbon by 308, Nicholas by 294, Bath by 72, Rowan by 142, Elliott by 211, Wolfe by 74, Floyd by 1,002

Alison Daddy’s Name Grimes got 66,656 more votes than Jack Conway — 493,600 to 426,944

Andy Beshear got 52,980 more votes than Jack Conway — 479,924 to 426,944

Adam Edelen, who lost to Mike Harmon, got 23,372 more votes than Jack Conway — 450,316 to 426,944

Whitney Westerfield, Steve Knipper, Mike Harmon, Allison Ball, Ryan Quarles all received more votes than Jack Conway and half of them lost

Drew Curtis received less than 4% of the vote

Jean-Marie Lawson Spann got her rear end handed to her when she lost to Ryan Quarles by nearly 190,000 votes — 563,414 to 374,402:

Counties Jean-Marie won: Jefferson by 15,050, Carroll by 99, Marion by 248, Menifee by 12, Wolfe by 36, Breathitt by 62, Elliott by 185, Floyd by 527. In other words, she barely squeaked by in those counties.

Maybe we’ll post concession and victory speeches here? Maybe. Excited that it’s all over so it’s tough to focus.

UPDATE

Okay, calm down. Here are the videurs:

Jenean Hampton:



Matt Bevin:



Jack Conway:



Alison Daddy’s Name Grimes:



Andy Beshear:



Mike Harmon:



Adam Edelen:



Allison Ball:



Jean-Marie Lawson Spann:



Ryan Quarles:



Greg Stumbo’s Meltdown:



And here’s a statement from Papaw Beshear about gubernatorial transition:

“I called Matt Bevin this morning and congratulated him on being elected Kentucky’s next Governor. I promised an orderly transition as I hand off the reins of state government to him. My office will work with his administration to answer any questions and provide all information necessary to assure consistent delivery of all services. I have assigned Mary Lassiter, secretary of the governor’s executive cabinet, and Shannon Tivitt, deputy chief of staff, as points of contact for the incoming administration.”

Now, let’s watch the Democrats try to blame everyone and every thing under the sun for last night’s epic defeat.

Election 2015 — The Results

Ugh, thank jeebers! It’s finally over!

GUBERNATORIAL

  • Matt Bevin & Jenean Hampton (R) — 511,771 — 52.52%
  • Jack Conway & Sannie Overly (Aquabuddha) — 426,944 — 43.82%
  • Drew Curtis & Heather Curtis (Donald Trump) — 35,629 — 3.66%

SECRETARY OF STATE

  • Steve Knipper (R) — 471,239 — 48.84%
  • Alison Daddy’s Name Grimes (D) — 493,600 — 51.16%

ATTORNEY GENERAL

  • Whitney Westerfield (R) — 477,734 — 49.89%
  • Andy Beshear (D) — 479,924 — 50.11%

AUDITOR OF PUBLIC ACCOUNTS

  • Mike Harmon (R) — 486,651 — 51.94%
  • Adam Edelen (D) — 450,316 — 48.06%

STATE TREASURER

  • Allison Ball (R) — 572,296 — 60.63%
  • Rick Nelson (D) — 371,573 — 39.37%

COMMISSIONER OF AGRICULTURE

  • Ryan Quarles (R-Avoids Pseudoscience/Still Panders) — 563,414 — 60.08%
  • Jean-Marie Lawson Spann (D-High Beams On/Batpoop/Wooomonger) — 374,402 — 39.92%

Thank goodness Jean-Marie lost. Kentucky really won there.

And maybe the rest means the Democrats will finally wake up? Maybe some of the corrupt good old boys will finally get cleaned out or retire? Not holding our breath.

Karma, Jack.

Jorts, Trans Am Not Spotted At Biden Thing

Alison Lundergan Grimes is back on TV for the first time since her 2014 race against Republican U.S. Sen. Mitch McConnell shattered state spending records. [H-L]

Vice President Joe Biden said he will not run for president in 2016. Biden announced his decision in a statement given from the White House on Wednesday. [HuffPo]

A man was fatally shot Tuesday afternoon after police say he pulled out a gun on Jeffersontown officers and they opened fire. [C-J/AKN]

There’s nothing juicy in these Kim Davis emails, so don’t feel compelled to look through them. But it’s fascinating people are still obsessed with her bigoted shenanigans. [Muckrock]

Members of the Glasgow Independent Schools Board of Education spent a large portion of Monday’s meeting contemplating a potential gift that could light up the football field at Glasgow Middle School. [Glasgow Daily Times]

We can’t afford to be cynical about the news that the most lucrative college hoops program in the country uses women as a form of currency. On revelations that the University of Louisville basketball program may have paid a self-described “Louisville Madam” to supply recruits with strippers and sex, the reactions have congregated into two camps: moralizers and cynics. [The Nation]

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and D.O.V.E.S of Gateway has been serving those impacted since 1989. [The Morehead News]

GOP presidential front-runner Donald Trump said late Monday that President Obama is working on an executive order to take Americans’ guns away. [The Hill]

Upper management at Massey Energy used fear tactics and intimidation to get miners to produce as much coal as possible despite numerous safety hazards, a former Upper Big Branch miner testified Tuesday. [Richmond Register]

Oklahoma regulators are cracking down harder on saltwater disposal wells near the vitally important Cushing crude storage hub, where a rash of quakes have stoked concerns its tanks and pipelines may not be designed to handle a major seismic event. [Reuters]

President Barack Obama will announce federal, state, local and private sector efforts to combat prescription drug abuse and heroin use today in Charleston. [Ashland Independent]

When energy booms go bust, the public is often left responsible for the cleanup. That’s because while most states and the federal government make companies put up at least some money in advance to pay for any mess they leave behind, it’s often not enough. [NPR]

No, Republicans cannot save Matt Bevin from himself. Not even if he wins on election day. [H-L]

The Democratic National Committee is benefiting from presidential candidate Hillary Clinton’s fundraising prowess even before she wraps up the nomination thanks to loosened campaign finance rules. [HuffPo]

New Cast, Same Messed Up Production

What was happening a year ago?

Here we are. A year later.

  • Jack Conway feels entitled, rolling his eyes on television every time he feels better than someone else.
  • Matt Bevin could be standing in front of you with his 25 children and tell you, to your face, that he doesn’t have any children with him.
  • Drew Curtis is treating the race with such milquetoast enthusiasm (is it enthusiasm?) that we’re three weeks from election day and voters still don’t know who he is.
  • All the media can talk about is Kim Davis and how the gays should be treated separate but equal. With absolutely no in-depth examination, no questioning, just foaming at the mouth.

Not much has changed. The outlook in Frankfart Frankfort is grimes grim, vultures buzzing overhead, everybody’s panicked.

It’s all great news for the fine Kentucky bourbon industry.

NOTE: Those are real typos. Freudian typos.