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Woah, Time For A Robert Felner Scandal Update

May 1st, 2013 · 4 Comments

It’s been a hot minutes since we’ve mentioned Robert Felner.

So here’s your update!

The Federal Bureau of Prisons says Felner has an actual or projected release date from the Federal Prison Camp in Montgomery, Alabama on May 11, 2014.

Just a year away.

Tags: Robert Felner

4 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Novena // May 1, 2013 at 2:10 pm

    “Greetings to an Academic Villain”

    Dear Bobby,
    May your final year in prison be filled with the utmost pain and misery–the kind you bestowed so unmercifully on so many faculty, staff, and students at the UofL. You certainly deserved more time in the pokey, but you were rich enough to obtain a high-powered lawyer. If you return to Louisville, you might search for a night-shift post at Taco Bell, your old favorite right across from campus. (If, by some miracle, you are hired, I hope they have the sense to lock the cash register and just make you mop up the slop.) You’re still the biggest slime ball I’ve ever encountered in academe. You will never be forgiven for your sins.

  • 2 Tirnstile // May 1, 2013 at 6:59 pm

    Okay folks…. Time to reserve the Irish Rover for the “Welcome Home, Bobby!” party. Since he’s been locked up in Alabama, I suggest we host a culture-crossover and make it a country music themed party. Prize money for the best original country song. Titles might include:

    “Hey, Bubba’s roommate, why ya’ walkin’ so bad?”

    “Keepin’ a triple chin is hard on prison chow, but I did it!”

    “Is that a harmonica in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”

    “I embezzled $2 million for this?”

    “The ‘Lights Out’ blues”

    “Whatever Bubba wants, Bubba gets”

  • 3 Novena // May 1, 2013 at 8:19 pm

    “Tirn Is On to Something Big”

    I guess you all heard that Bobby was turned on to country music in his ‘Bama hideaway. Following Tirn’s lead, I’ve found out about some of the Bobster’s favorite homemade songs:
    “Bubba Makes My Clothes Fall Off”
    “He’s Lookin’ Better As Times Goes On”
    “He’s Got the Ring, I Got the Finger”
    “All the Girls Turn Me Down, But Not Bubba”
    Play it loud, Bobby. Drum out your sorrows.

  • 4 Novena // May 1, 2013 at 9:20 pm

    “Bringing Back Old Card Memories”

    Honcho #2: “Remembering Robert reminds me that no outsider has ever wanted to succeed him as dean here since he left in 2008. Makes one wonder.”

    Honcho #1: “Yeah, good thing I could bring in the homeboy bud from my childhood.”

    Honcho #2: “Maybe we’ll find somebody from the outside when our outlaw reputation further recedes.”

    Honcho #1: “Besides that, our winning the national B-ball title should mean something.”