AG

• Todd P’Pool: Why on earth didn’t you listen? You needed Democrats to win but you refused to do the right thing. You refused to campaign in Louisville, refused to ditch the anti-Obama bullshit and refused to focus on the needs of Kentucky. Every single time you were given good advice, you dismissed it entirely. You had more ammunition than any Republican has ever had to win a race and you completely ignored it. People may be congratulating you but I am calling you a political mistake. Stay away from statewide politics if you don’t have the guts to actually fight. Jesus H.
• Jack Conway: Dedicating your victory to your family? Really? Quit with the whiny ass titty baby crap. Apologize for tipping your brother off to the drug investigation and start investigating DEMOCRATS for a change.

Note to Jennifer Moore: Bitch, you crazy? Jack Conway’s own brother said in a police report he got involved in the drug investigation. You continue to say otherwise. Why do you continue with this tripe? Nice to see you using a MacBook, though. That alone makes me like you again.

Governor

• Steve Beshear: Here’s hoping you sack up and actually do something instead of pussyfooting 24/7. Say “gay” in public. Push for statewide fairness. Quit with the Ark Park trash. Get gambling done. Smack yourself in the face and start with COMPREHENSIVE TAX REFORM. You’re the luckiest man in the state because you just won against two of the most-hated candidates in Kentucky history. Also, keep Jerry Abramson in check. He’s a walking disaster and will bring you down if given the chance. Quit pretending you’ve “saved” education. Quit pretending you’re not partisan.
• David Williams: Now do you believe me when I say you need to manage your reputation? Last night’s results were a referendum on your reputation. Had nothing to do with your plans or Steve Beshear’s lack of plans and everything to do with whether or not people like you. Hope you find Reeechie a job so he can afford to pay alimony, child support and buy all of that candy. I personally like you and think you’re a different man than you have allowed yourself to be portrayed. Hold Steve Beshear’s feet to the fire. Buy your wife something really fancy (have her make you a carrot cake, as she did for me out of the blue when my mom died). You need to come out of the closet as the man who isn’t afraid of the gays and you need to support anti-discrimination efforts, as you do privately. Also PLEASE KEEP PUSHING FOR COMPREHENSIVE TAX REFORM. Make tax reform happen if it’s the last thing you do. And be sure to prep Jimmy Higdon to take over when you decide to leave.
• Gateweed: Really? The media was out to get you? You smoked too much pot last night. Glad to see you come in second in Franklin County, though. And even more glad to hear you promise to continue standing up for everyday Kentuckians.

Read the rest after the jump…

Treasurer

• K.C. Crosbie: You clearly could have won – maybe even in a wash – had you bothered to campaign.
• Todd Hollenbach: Fire your right-hand, Mo, and quit with the idiocy. Quit pretending you reconciled anything. Glad your political career will only last another four years.
• Ken Moellman: What will you run for next?

Auditor

• Adam Edelen: Great speech. Audit the KDE as soon as humanly possible. Start digging on your friends and among all the people who helped get you where you are. Do everything Crit couldn’t do and actually make sure you have some balls. You’ll be a failure at life if you don’t swing harder than Crit has. You’ve got to and Kentucky needs you to.
• John Kemper: You seem like a nice guy. Delusional and snowed by people like David Adams. Hope you get your business ducks in a row and realize politics aren’t for you.

Secretary of State

• Alison Lundergan Grimes: Holy crap you cleaned up! Way more votes than Steve Beshear, the man you’ve now learned could have cost you the election. You’re the new leader of the Kentucky Democratic Party. You need to stand up and make your voice heard. Oust the jokers on Democrat Drive this week and fire every single person Elaine Walker brought in to her office. Trey showed you the ropes when you were just beginning so you definitely have him to turn to. You’re a rising star and will likely be Kentucky’s next Democratic governor. Be sure to tell Ruth Ann to suck it the next time you see her. And please stop yelling (or was that so Papaw Beshear could hear you???).
• Bill Johnson: Hope you can wash all that Sharpie ink off your camper. Teabagging doesn’t pay, sir.

Commissioner of Agriculture

• Bob Farmer: Anybody who isn’t from Eastern Kentucky who cracks jokes like that gets the permanent stank eye (worse than stink). Should’ve run for the legislature. And you should have had a clue what you were running for.
• Jamie Comer: Told you a year ago you would win. Personally can’t wait to continue connecting you with the libruls and organic nerds. Once you ditch the teabagger girl, of course. Hopefully you won’t roll over on your back for corporate farms.