It’s been almost three years since this wad of taint lint we call Page One appeared on your googlebox for the first time. Together, we’ve been through good times and bad. We’ve ruined a lot of undergarments with laughter. We’ve seen political dynasties fall. Hell, we’ve even seen a man (manboy?) waltz off to federal prison. The point is: we’ve all been through hell of a lot and have discovered that working together across political and media lines is the only way to move the Commonwealth of Kentucky forward.
So, in honor of our glorious third birthday (Friday the 13th! In August) and all that is wrong and glorious with Kentucky? Let’s jump right into the Second Annual Golden Poo Awards! The perfect way to award elected officials, public appointees, reporters and public figures with the piles of magic they deserve.
Last year’s (can you believe it’s been a year?) mess was a huge success. Ten great categories and tons of nominations were compiled in just a couple weeks.
Since you’re just like us and forget whether you’ve had two Coke Zeroes or eight, here’s the list of who won what:
- Person Responsible for Legislation Requiring the Most Lubricant: Keith Hall (he returned his award with a cute note). Gary “Tapp Tapp” Tapp came in second.
- Reporter Most Likely to Make You Kick Your Television, Burn Your Newspaper or Toss Your Computer: Chase Cain. Julie Tam won an honorable mention and Gabe Bullard received a terrific robot just because.
- Most Constipated Politician – For the Candidate Who Campaigned for Something and Was Counted On to Bring It…. But Couldn’t Produce Shit When the Pressure Was On (Francene came up with this category): Governor Steve Beshear
- Politician Most Likely to Be Investigated or Indicted in the Next 12 Months: Jerry Abramson. Larry Clark got an honorable mention, to say the least.
- Worst Example of Total Incompetence From a Local or State Official in an Appointed Post: Gilles Meloche
- Elected Official, Appointee or Contractor Responsible for the Most Flagrant & Vile Abuse of Taxpayer Money: Joe Prather. Jim Newberry was a close second.
- Most Outlandish Case of Double Dipping: Charlie Borders
- Individual in Politics or Media With the Worst Diarrhea of the Mouth: Jim Ramsey
- Positively Vomitous Case of Do As I Say, Not As I Do (Okay, she also came up with this category and cackled over the winner): Daniel Mongiardo
- Most Self-Serving “Public Servant” Who Gets Paid Lots of Dough to Find Ways to Make Him/Herself Rich Off Public Projects: Sheldon Berman
What fun! So here’s the dilly: I like those categories. But they’ve gotta be tweaked. Some replaced. Here’s what I want to keep: 1 (need to tweak it by adding “Or Legislation-Related”), 2, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10. You folks need to come up with replacements for categories 3 and 7.
So what will they be? We need two great categories as soon as possible (and don’t tell us who you’d nominate for said categories – save the fun for later). We’ve got a lot of goodies in store this year.
Leave your suggestions in the comments. Once we’ve got everything ironed out, the nomination period(s) will begin.
14 responses so far ↓
1 Rand Paul Sucks // Jul 12, 2010 at 12:48 pm
Rand Paul for 4, 8, and 9. And although they aren’t reporters, I’ll go with Bill Lamb and Steve Langford for 2.
2 jake // Jul 12, 2010 at 1:03 pm
I appreciate your input – but please read before commenting.
Nominations don’t begin for quite a while.
3 Monica // Jul 12, 2010 at 1:17 pm
What about “Most Extreme DINO” and “Most Exteme RINO” for additions to your Poo Awards? It seems that we are dealing with both more than ever before.
4 MarionCountyLine // Jul 12, 2010 at 1:19 pm
Best flaming bag of poo — goes to the website that generates the craziest anonymous comments.
5 Roger // Jul 12, 2010 at 1:49 pm
How ’bout –
The Most Audacious and Shameless Example of Legislative/Media/Public Service Hypocrisy.
and/or
The Most Bat-Shit Crazy Comment Made by a Public Figure.
6 Steve Magruder // Jul 12, 2010 at 1:51 pm
I can’t wait to nominate for #2. Oh boy. But my choice would almost reword the question into “Most Egregious Corporate News Stenography”. Stay tuned.
Here’s a few ideas:
1) Worst application of PR by a governmental entity or official.
2) Most sneaky obfuscation by a governmental official.
3) Most unashamed promotion of wasteful government spending or unnecessary revenue enhancement (taxes, fees, tolls, etc.)
4) Most parochial politician or public figure (one who basically says screw Louisville Metro area or the Louisville region — his/her neighborhood comes before all others)
5) Most successful obfuscation by an industry or business leader confusing higher profits for their narrow interests with advancement for the entire community. (probably not the best wording)
7 Steve Magruder // Jul 12, 2010 at 1:58 pm
Another one: Best use of corporate boardroom language in speaking to ordinary voters by a politician running for office.
8 SA // Jul 12, 2010 at 4:11 pm
Best use of faux “down-home-Kentucky-valuhs-twang-dittys” by politician
9 Rand Paul Sucks // Jul 12, 2010 at 4:14 pm
Now I have to read your posts? Darn.
How about…. Most flagrant use of a non profit to campaign for office?
Most likely to overcompensating for their sexual preference.
10 jake // Jul 12, 2010 at 4:44 pm
RPS: haha.
11 Steve Magruder // Jul 12, 2010 at 4:58 pm
Reword of my last one: Most prolific use of corporate boardroom language in speaking to ordinary voters by a politician running for office.
12 Mark H (Not Hebert) // Jul 13, 2010 at 12:07 am
How about the most erotic taxpayer-funded lap dance?
13 C. Herron // Jul 13, 2010 at 3:03 pm
new category ideas:
- worst idea or comment from lou metro council rep
- most irresponsible act or non-action by local media
- highest paid public servant that does the least amount of work
- the dumbest public servant with the most to say
- the most appointed non-important civic leader
- the “uncle tom” of the year
- the worst developer of the year
- the funniest news headline of the year
14 Roger // Jul 14, 2010 at 9:07 pm
Oh – how can we forget: Best story plagiarized by a formerly great newspaper.
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