Did you miss last evening’s Barack Obama Health Care Happy Hour? Oh? You did? Maybe you should read all about it.

This ladyperson named Terri liveblogged it all. While I teabagged her all sexist-like, in the face, in honor of our Dear Overlord Glenn Beck.

• 7:35 - Swishy Jake is feeding me chocolate-covered strawberries. It’s true.
• 7:40 - He just started doing #2 in my kitchen. (clarification: Not farting or pooping.)
• 7:47 - Jakey has superb spidey sense.
• 7:51 - Al Franken FTW! Paul Begala gives good speech. Psych!
• 7:52 - Smoke break!
• 8:02 - Michelle Obama up in the balcony. Can she be my president?
• 8:04 - HRC in the house!!!
• 8:05 - Begala blah-blahing about teleprompters again. Punkin’ beer!
• 8:09 - Moving to MSNBC for their liberal agenda – it will no doubt be a lovefest. Nuts works!
• 8:11 - POTUS with Mitch & Harry. Ain’t it precious?
• 8:12 - Did I mention how much I love that HRC?
• 8:14 - Bets on ovations begun by Pelosi?
• 8:15 - Jake and I are bored already.

True story. I was bored before the whole thing started.

Thank goodness I was preparing a pumpkin beverage in the kitchen (this is what gays do, in America, on important evenings) while Al Frankenstein was casting his spells on the television.

Important note: It is a disappointing shame that Terri did not include any of the genius poop jokes I made throughout the evening. How un-patriotic.