Oh Snap Monday! Felner the Rainmaker

Dubya’s Final Eff You to Amurka. [Rolling Stone]

Attention Doug Hawkins: we have discovered the answer to your Mexican problem. Illegal immigrants say they’re all going back to Mexico because the economy sucks. And they say they will never return. Our white women are safe! [C-J]

Countdown proves, via a memo obtained, that this is a coordinated attack among Republicans to take down organized labor. [News Hole]

You can thank gay-hating Kentucky Farm Bureau for killing the cigarette tax increase. Not David Williams or any other Republican. [C-J]

What the heck is going on with this CentrePoint mess in Lexington? [Barefoot & Progressive]

All the mouth breathers are buying up guns like crazy in Kentucky. All because of that silly Barack Obama! Because it would be so terrible not to be able to buy assault weapons. Everyone needs a fancy assault weapon. [H-L]

Ugh. A “winter storm” is coming and Kroger is going to be empty. Look out for all the ladies wearing curlers if you have to make a grocery run today. They’ll be fighting for their lives to buy an extra package of hamburger and some white bread. [C-J]

Oh, look, known swindler Robert Felner has forced the University of Rhode Island to develop a system to better deter fraud. Felner was apparently a cult figure to staffers at URI. Weird. And he was a rainmaker. [The Providence Journal]