Almost-Livebloggy: Hebert & Edelen at Metro Dems

UPDATED – See what went down as we got into our Jeep at the very end of this post.

OH!!! Now updated with pictures!

Hey ladies! Haha, so, funny story… we came to this “club” (there is alcohol, but no dancing, thankfully, because we’re averse) to see what’s going on.

Will this be exciting? Will we fall asleep? Will Adam Edelen admit that Jennifer Moore, the now-disgraced chair of the Kentucky Democratic Party, needs to go? Will Laemmle call anyone on their shiz? Will Mark Hebert say a whole bunch of (we hope) mean and Hebert-y things?

Who knows. But we will “live”blog this to find out. I.E., We will post everything when we are near the internets. And you will like it. Because you never know whether or not it’ll be scandalous. You know how these Metro Democratic Club thingies are.

Find out what goes down after the jump…

5:50 – Not sure why, but we can’t get those conjoined twins, one of whom thinks she is Reba, out of our head. Is that wrong?

5:51 – There’s more chili here than these people know what to do with. And there appears to be some sort of carrot cake or other carbohydrate-attack slab on a nearby table. UNSAFE!

5:52 – Bruce Maples tells me that Metro Dems shot for having members perform at least 1,000 hours of volunteering during the general election. And, he’s happy to report that club members reported (at last count) 1,008 hours of work. Nice.

5:57 – In case you didn’t notice, they have wifi here! Those legion folks are pretty fancy!

5:59 – Wow, Rick is here. It must be because it’s close to his compound and because Heb is here.


6:06 – There is no booze.

6:08 – Tony Lindauer has funny stories about having big hair in the 60s and 70s. I bet Mark Hebert does, as well!

6:12 – The only way to lure Democrats out when it is raining and cold is to offer free food. In other news, this is going to be a snoozefest. No booze, no excitement, no cat fighting. WTF. This is what we get for not pissing anybody off this week.

6:19 – Ugh. Where is our good friend “Rose” ? She should be here tonight, eating the Kit-Kats and rolling her eyes in unison with us. She would enjoy all of the hot messes we’re spotting in the crowd. Seriously, Democrats, let’s take a shower before going out in public. Or maybe try to not wear the oldest t-shirt in the house. It is cold as eff outside and rainy. We’re in public. More importantly, I’m within 500 feet of you. You should strive to make sure I’m not terrified by whatever this mess is you’re wearing.

6:22 – YES! Three people have told us that we’re skinny. YES. We win at life.

6:26 – Did you know that Barack Obama is black?

6:27 – Adam Edelen just strolled in. He’s totally running for office soon because he’s totally campaigning, whether intentional or not. He’s totally campaigning.

6:28 – Oh snap. This greasy/slick dude who always tries to fake everyone out/take credit for everything everyone else ever does just showed up. He’s nice and plump these days. And he apparently thinks his scandalous legal history is wholly behind him. Can’t wait til he tries to run for office. Ugh. Democrats.

6:33 – Meeting is called to order. It’s colder than a witch’s frog in this joint. There is apparently alcohol, but no carb-free alcohol. All these dudes are taking photographs of us. Ugh. We don’t even have on mattefier. UHG. Bright lights.

6:36 – Did you know that when you’re choosing makeup… it shouldn’t be 48 shades darker than your skin tone? Drunken young ladies apparently do not know this important piece of information. Oh, how we are pained.

6:39 – All kinds of old people did all kinds of volunteering. They get all kinds of fancy restaurant gift certificates as a reward… but they won’t be able to use them… because all of these people go to bed before these Louisville Originals joints open up. So sad.

6:40 – Ray Crider better stop taking pictures of us!

6:41 – Hebert is late. What a jerk. Fashionably late. We see how it is. Edelen and Laemmle are both here. God, this better be exciting.

6:42 – Our buddy, whom we will call “So-n-So” so as to protect his identity, is here and he is not wearing a fancy glitter eye patch like we’d been led to believe!

6:43 – Laemmle starts things off. He makes note that the entire joint is filled with thousands of people older than him. Note that he is easily 100, because I had him in class all those decades ago when I was in that fancy thing they called school. He’s depressed that young people weren’t more active in Kentucky during the election.

6:45 – Adam Edelen says election night was wonderful because, well, he wasn’t in rural Kentucky where the devil lives. It’s increasingly difficult to be a Democrat in rural Kentucky. The Republican Party is becoming all fancy on the “plowed ground.” Oooh, fancy. We should probably educate our people so they can provide for their families, become Democrats, and then give Jennifer Moore all of their spare change so she can threaten to sue people like Jeff Noble 24/7.

6:49 – When will Adam admit that the massive Democratic failures in Kentucky this year are, you know, what’s-her-name’s fault? I think these people are afraid to admit they made a terrible choice when making her chair. And no, we’ll never stop complaining about her. Not even when she’s kicked out on her $3,000/month rump to drive home in her convertible BMW.

6:50 – Oh, oh – Adam said people voted their fears. Snap.

6:51 – Oh, look, Mark Hebert decided to show up. Phil is yammering on about legislative districts or whatever. The 34th Dist was the only one where Barry O got more votes than Yarmie. 80% of the folks who were askeeert of the blacks voted for John McCain. PL says so. He has it on some papers in front of him.

6:53 – Hebert says turnout didn’t materialize because everybody is lazy. There are two Kentuckys: Louisville & Lexington and Everybody Else.

6:55 – Hebert, “Focus an unbelievable amount of resources in Lou, Lex and east BFE if you’re gonna beat Jim Bunning.” No one else matters, the end.

6:58 – Aww snap! Hebert has broken out his circa 1985 glasses! This is getting serious. God, what are they even talking about? We keep checking Cheezburger to see if there are updates instead of paying attention.

7:00 – That mean Courier-Journal ran a cartoon saying that Obama lost Kentucky because of race. Did you know the C-J is so mean? Adam: People who calculate race into their decision aren’t likely to vote Democrat(ic). Laemmle: Takes a courageously stupid person to admit they voted against someone because they’re black. In Pike Co Obama got 9% in the primary. There’s a built-in resistance, elections are rarely won or lost on one thing. Hebert: Would Obama have won Kentucky if he was a white guy? Nope, he wouldn’t have won, because Kentucky is more in line federally with TN, AL, MS and other awful states that are way worse than Kentucky. Hebert: More than 9% prolly voted on the basis of race but not all were dumb enough to admit it.

7:03 – Some lady keeps asking questions about age. The younger people got the more they voted for Barry. When you turn 40 or whatever, you start voting for John McCain because you’re part of the “geezer group” (quoting Laemmle here)…

7:05 – How do you address racial issues? You talk about them, duh. Stop being afraid to discuss things and they won’t be a problem. That’s when the Democratic party will be able to clean up. That is– once Jennifer Moore is canned.

7:06 – Blah blah blah some dude talking about propaganda and a fairness doctrine. He won’t shut up. This has turned boring and Hebert is thankfully starting to roll his eyes and crack jokes at the crackpots. Yay.

7:08 – Adam says Repubs are superior in terms of micro-targeting. Dems have a strategery problem. Did you know that understanding new media is important? It’s also important to give us money, OR ELSE. Close the digital divide. Etc etc all kinds of things that are music to our ears. He’s smart! He knows how to make us write positive things about him. Something he and Trey Grayson have in common. Always say the right thing when Jake is present and bam, all kinds of positive press. (Is there a way to make money at that?)

7:09 – “Gays!” Adam said gays. Attention turned to the event. Oh, we can’t sell politics to people by telling them that they’re stupid. Ugh. That’s no fun. Until we’re comfy talking about the price of Depends and how badly Jake has to pee right now, we cannot move forward as a Commonwealth and as a Country. Something about music and morality and preaching. What? Pee. We need to pee.

7:11 – HAHAHA Kentuckians are so dumb that we speak loudly when we encounter people speaking a foreign language. Adam says the Dems will never be a party that hates the gays, but that’s news to us, because Jennifer Moore certainly condoned mailings and shiz that were anti-gay.

7:13 – Is Kentucky going to be trapped with the rest of the southeast? In the Republican Party, that is. Laemmle says we’re all gonna die! Because the vast majority of people don’t have an effing clue what is going on in the world, regardless of politics. The Republican focus is to keep people dumb.

7:14 – 9/11! Never Forget!

7:15 – Wouldn’t it be awesome if Hebert had some fancy Gorbechev port wine stains or whatever on his head? That would be awesome.

7:17 – Gays, guns and all those other wedge issues don’t work. It’s the economy, stupid, says Heb. Mitch McConnell didn’t figure that out until it was almost too late because he is so out-of-touch. If he’d stayed on the negative campaign track, he might’ve lost. Ruh ro, opening the floor to questions. This will be either boring or terrifying.

7:20 – The only thing Mitch McConnell has done is kill campaign finance reform. Unless he reaches out to Barry and actually serves as a senator, Kentucky is effed. Hard. It’ll be a national embarrassment.

7:21 – Oh, god, this Larry guy is yammering on for 25 minutes asking some question that no one can figure out. What the hell is he asking? United Mine Workers and something about Jesus and party structure? What?

7:22 – Adam peed on himself a little bit because Laemmle said the WV gubnuh is corrupt as all hell.

7:23 – Some old lady, who is loud, is upset that the entire panel says mass transit isn’t going to be a big economic growth point for the country right now. Not that we shouldn’t work on it, but, uh, we’re broke, dudes. We’re all gonna die of the poverty and starvation. Green stuff, maybe, but no mass transit, cause no one can afford it. People can’t even afford to buy toilet paper and everyone will have to install a bidet or a fancy butt-washing toilet seat because of it.

7:25 – OMG – we just looked back at the crowd. We are hands-down the youngest person here. Hands-down. By several decades.

7:27 – Finally, the last question. Making people think about what’s wrong with their day-to-day life is not only a good way to terrify them, but it’s a good way to get folks to vote the right way. Why is it Kentucky can’t follow Virginia’s lead and vote the right way? Maybe because Jennifer Moore and the KDP has been a massive failure, that’s why. But no one will say it because everyone is afraid to talk about the elephant in the room.

7:30 – Several thousand minutes later and this dude who volunteered for Barry in Lynchburg, VA is still going on about… something… attention span fail… people are clapping and, wtf? Who knows.

7:31 – Hebert just said Adam is going to run for “some office” and Adam deflected. Haha. He’s not good at deflecting. Also, we think he should hurry up and announce that he’s running for something so we can not be bored. Oh, funny man. “The only thing more stale nationally than the Democratic brand is the Republican brand.” Adam is funny. Bill Clinton was magic because he spoke to people on their level. That’s the genius of Barry, That Muslim, because, whatever, because he is Bill Clinton or something.

7:34 – Oh, Hebert said some fancy things about how important the internets are in campaigns these days. That was clearly about us, because we are self-important.

7:35 – Bruce Maples: We’re a Party focused on building the Party structure. The end. Lots of applause when he suggested we actually do something, the opposite of what Jennifer Moore does. He refuses to believe that the day of retail politics is over, still believes that knocking on doors makes a difference. Well, that’s nice and all, but we aren’t knocking on doors unless it’s to gain access to some fancy party or dinner or whatever.

7:37 – Garrett Adams queens out, says we lost the senate race because we had a bad candidate, then says Greg Fischer could have beat McConnell. (Fisher is here but no one knows who he is, which causes Hebert to squeal with laughter) Hebert laughs and says, uh, no way. It’s funny to watch these bitter old men get red-faced complaining about Bruce Lunsford. To think Dr. Adams had the nerve to sit in Bruce’s suite on Election Night. What a flippant hack. WE LOVE THE BITTERS!

7:40 – Laemmle says the only politician who had a long-term plan: Mitch McConnell. Everyone else was boring or whatever. (Says it it pains him to admit it.)

7:45 – The End. We are so going home. Probably will add a few photos later, so stay tuned. Maybe we won’t get flogged before we leave, even.

7:50 – Oh, Jimmy Moore is totally the new pretzeldent of Metro Democratic Club.

8:31 – A note to Jennifer Moore: Having your boyfriend get in my face as I was getting in the Jeep probably wasn’t the best thing you could have done. Especially not since he had the nerve to threaten me. Can’t you do your own bidding?

He had a lot to say, most importantly, that he hoped my “pet project” was fun because I “wouldn’t be around for long.” Not too smooth, since, oh, I had my fancy little iPhone right there recording it all. Doesn’t matter how he meant it– he said it.

We apparently have no friends, can’t pay our bills, are a loser, yadda yadda.

And for the record? Chris Thieneman doesn’t pay my bills (nor does Bruce Lunsford, sadly)– but we obviously get by just fine. Which is why I’m able to do this full-time.

If anyone has a problem with me? Say so. Be an adult and address me as such.

Threatening me? Not a smart move. Especially if you’re high-profile, dating someone high-profile or are suggesting that I am anything less than honest. Because, let’s get real here, everything I reported in the Noble-Moore situation was fact. He was threatened by Moore and Benham Sims, her attorney, and you’ll never catch him publicly denying that. You may disagree with me 24/7, may dislike me and may want me dead. But being anything less than above-par with me? Yeah, that gets you no where.

At least Kathy Groob had the guts to approach me directly.

9:54 – Dan Borsch, Jennifer’s boyfriend, emailed me to clarify his comments. Here’s what he had to say: “Your website won’t be around in six months….ads from the republican primary dont pay much in nov. Not you personally. As much as I don’t like you, I’m sorry if you took it that way and that I was inarticulate in expressing that.” – Dan

As you can tell, folks, we’re total failures. And we will die of the poverty in six months.