We’re watching the webcast because we’re way too elitist to be out in the heat. Also because we’re just now recovering from the plague.

Fell asleep during Steve Beshear’s speech. No idea what he said. Somebody fill us in if it’s not too boring.

We were also asleep during Bruce’s remarks, kinda. The crowd didn’t look too excited.

Mitch McConnell hates Barack Obama and has the audacity to blame Democrats for high gas prices. Nothing new there. But it’s interesting that he’d bring up campaign finance. Maybe we should bring up all the Red Chinese money Mitchypooh has received over the years. Heads-up to Mitch: You’re running against Bruce Lunsford, not Barry O.

Poor Jim Bunning showed up and talked about how Bruce Lunsford and Barry Obama are running together and have the exact same policies. Jimmy Carter is the devil. Also, Bruce Lunsford has a website! Did you know that? Hugo Chavez and Bruce are brothers and they will raise your taxes so Bruce can build a giant fortress in Chicago. Also, the world is going to end and Mitch McConnell is baby Jesus. Heads-up to Jim: You’re not running against Bruce Lunsford and you’re not making it less easy for us to make jokes about dementia when you forget that.

Read the rest after the jump…

Heather Ryan burned the barn way down. Way, way down. And the crowds loved her the most. She called people out like 24/7 and made Ed Whitfield cry. She ragged on the Paducah Republi… Sun and thanked Mitch McConnell for getting her fired. Exxon Eddie got smoked by her fiery remarks about big oil and she tied him to terrorists and terrorist-related organizations by discussing the fact that he’s never returned campaign contributions from convicted terrorists, something the KDP has been trying to hide. Heads-up to the KDP: It’s time to stop ignoring Heather Ryan. It’s also time to stop denying her access to the state party’s finance database.

Ed Whitfield showed up for a visit from the sunny state of Florida! No one could hear him over the jeers of the crowd. Did you know the values of San Francisco are being pushed on rural America by the Democrats? FEAR! Nancy Pelosi is going to kill everyone with her oil starvation tricks. Did you know the most satisfying thing about being in Congress is bringing all the troops home? They’re already home or something, says Eddie. And the Medicare Rx benefit saved the world! Heads-up to Eddie: If you’re gonna bring up jobs being exported to China, you may want to mention Mitch McConnell’s high-profile role in that very situation. And you’re not running against Al Gore, sweetie.

Paul and Judi came for the BBQ and Judi’s hot pink lipstick broke KET’s cameras.

Ooooh. Jennifer Moore got some serious boos when Rocky Adkins recognized her. Nice.

Lt. Governor Daniel Mongiardo’s speech was actually good. No little green men! Great jokes about Jim Bunning. Raked Mitch McConnell over the coals. Coals that were probably mined via lovely mountaintop removal. He spoke for so long that Rocky Adkins literally had to push him off the stage. One note: Mitch doesn’t use a D.C. zipcode, turns out that’s just C-J spin.

Jody Richards’ hair dye was running down his face because of the sticky heat. Jim Gooch ate everyone in sight.

Trey Grayson got some serious cheers. So loud that it was actually kind of sickening. He said Mongiardo doesn’t know when to shut up. Something about the official drink being Kool-Aid. Great jabs about the governor “studying” Trey’s ideas. Interesting attacks on Bruce Lunsford, who is a close friend of Trey and his family. I’m betting Bruce won’t forget that. All kinds of boos and shouting.

Everyone else sucked and we fell asleep again.

God, Kentucky, when did we get so fat? We didn’t see one person who was a healthy weight. Wow.