Barack Obama is not president of Kentucky, as we live blogged Friday, but he is president of the whole U.S. and A. and he’s here in Louisville to rally his army of elitists! That elitist army that knows Hillary has already lost her party’s nomination. That elitist army that loves watching Mike Gravel break it down with Obama Girl and Soulja Boy.

We don’t know what the night holds but we’ll be telling you all about it for a million hours.

Errr. Scratch that.

4:52: We’re here but it doesn’t look like we’ll be live blogging, as promised. The Obama campaign’s event, while pretty, is as disorganized as the KDP event last Friday. The camp promised wi-fi to press and now they’re feeding us an excuse that the facility won’t allow wi-fi access? Nevermind that the KDP event– in this very same room– had wi-fi.

Oh, the little things in life. Consider us a little agitated since we killed an entire business day to attend this event in order to provide free press for Obama– to the likes of hundreds of thousands of people over the next week– in a state where he sorely needs the positive exposure. Way to go, folks.

Should be noted that there are thousands upon thousands of people lining the streets waiting to get into the rally. This is going to be crazy. We plan on live blogging and posting periodically/when we can/later tonight.

4:59: OOooh. Even more of a burn. The traveling press gets wi-fi access. Locals don’t.

Read all of our fancy live blogging afer the jump and hit refresh like every five seconds…

5:06: He’s still losing Kentucky like woah no matter what we do to muzzle hacks like Terry McBrayer who love spreading subtle racism. There are already so many people here we’re not sure we’re gonna be able to get great photos and it’s just us media types. Thousands upon thousands still in line.

5:07: Did you know Barack Obama is black???

5:10: Ben Ray, Stephen George, Mark Hebert, Lanny from WLKY, Jim Pence, Ralph Long. They’re all here. In the back of the room, of course, because only traveling press get good access. Imagine that.

5:26: Campaign guys keep asking us if everything is cool. HAHA. Nope. All of the Kentucky press is miffed at the lack of wi-fi. Seems like a silly thing to harp on, right? Well… that’s how people in Kentucky file stories for their newspapers, radio stations and the like. Woopsie daisy!

5:27: There are so many people in this room. You wouldn’t believe it. And there’s still room for thousands moore. HAHA. The dude just recommended that I *pay* for wi-fi with the convention center. That’s $695. HAHAHAHA.

5:35: Jon Wright is definitely the best staffer of the evening. He’s working his butt off to get what we need.

5:40: Obama cancelled his trip to Lexington tomorrow. Going back to D.C. for some sort of vote? No basketball at 7:00 A.M., no nurses event. Even more weird: tons of Kentucky press didn’t get riser space, but I did. Not cool

5:44: I know this is an Obama live event, but check out the latest SurveyUSA numbers. No change. Fischer’s up one point. Lunsford 41, Fischer 23.

6:13: Guess a little criticism went a long way. They’re trying to get wi-fi up and running now. The entire press area breathed a giant sigh of semi-relief. Also, there are THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE HERE. Thousands. Not the everyday voter kinda folks. People who have never voted before. Never felt energy like this before from a crowd and I’ve been to a ton of political events. All right for momentum. We don’t even need alcohol to feel good tonight.

6:27: People are lined up– wrapped around the Kentucky International Convention Center as far as the eye can see. That’s two city blocks. I have friends standing in line as far as eight blocks away The room is already packed. There’s no way on earth they’re getting in. This is what you call momentum, people. Fucking electric.

6:38: ELECTRICITY. That’s the only word we can use to explain what this crowd feels.

6:46: Ben Chandler’s here to get the crowd warmed up. Yarmuth is in D.C. Lots of boos when Bush is mentioned. Never seen so many digital cameras in my life. Still no wi-fi. Press is complaining like crazy. Obama camp is all, “Eh, whatever. Deal.”

6:47: Every major press outlet on earth is here. Along with elite homosexuals and thousands of pinko commies.

6:48: Ford plant is closing down this summer. Working to restore that plant. Yarmie needs help getting elected. Looooud cheers.

6:50: Who knew the whole media was gay?

6:50: Ben Chandler talking about being timid. HAHAHAHA. Pot meets Kettle! Gotta run up on stage for a while to shoot photos. Back in a bit.

6:51: Barry O is here!

7:12: Can’t hear. Deaf. Crowd is literally shaking the building. Ford employee Mark Dowell (of Crestwood) intro’d Barry. Every five seconds people are screaming. It’s intense. Took him five minutes to get to the stage through the crowd.

7:13: Lots of talk about struggling Americans. Layoffs. Jobs shipped overseas. Overflow room of 1,000 is full. People being turned away. Still lined up for blocks.

7:15: College tuition and cost of living? The suck. You’re all effed. At the end of the month your ends don’t meet. Credit card debt sucks. Some of you suck, too. People are crying. Screaming. Excited.

7:16: Someone having a blood sugar issue in the crowd. Obama just saved their life by having folks bring them fruit and stuff and water. Wow! Barry is a life saver! LIFE SAVER OBAMA! Secret Service gets a big round of applause for helping her.

7:17: Gonna go take more pictures of Barry, president of the whole wide world.
7:18: Guess we can safely say that Barry Obama gives people the vapors! OH THE VAPORS OF BARRY OBAMA SAVING THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD AND STUFF!!!!! AHHHH!

7:19: We need a hearing test. Loud. LOUD. Did you know Barack Obama is black? He is also half-white, as some lady just screamed out. People are tired of politics and spin. They want straight talk, y’all. Straight talk.

7:25: We’re gonna get Republicans to vote for us, says Barry. Communications staffers mulling about because they know we’re all pissed about wi-fi.

7:26: Some Richard dude who is on MSNBC all the time is here. No Anderson Cooper. So sad.

7:26: Everybody is uninsured and is going to die if you don’t vote for him. For real.

7:27: Dick Cheney sucks. He’s been good for Exxon, not for you, fools! $11zillion trillion billion dollars.

7:28: The power of special interests and the grip they have on Washington. You know, it’s not good for the U.S. and A. and all the people who live here. Barry won’t take money from lobbyists. Their day in Washington is over. Crazy cheering. Head throbbing.

7:29: One of the po-leece menz just said the inside estimate at the Clinton event Friday was 850 people. They also said there are more than 10,000 people in the room with me right now. Thousands in the overflow areas. And it’s 3 to 7 people wide all the way around the building. SNAP!

7:30: Another person down in the crowd. Nobody ate before they came to this. Too much excitement? OMG! TERRY MCBRAYER IS POISONING EVERYBODY!

7:31: Gas tax is getting booed like woah. $28 is all you’ll get. Don’t listen to the evil Hillary people. They want to rob you blind or something.

7:32: The traveling press with Barry is much more cordial and attractive than Clinton’s crew. Say hello to them! Several of them snatched up my business card.

7:33: He’s gonna give you tax cuts! Working families will get $1,000/person tax cut. Closing corporate tax loopholes. Investing in alternative fuels. Cheering.

7:34: There is nothing we can’t accomplish! If you have health insurance we’re gonna lower yer premiumz by like $2,500. If you don’t have health care, you’ll get it at least as good as the dudes in congress have it. No pre-x. We’re not gonna wait ten years. We’ll do it by the end of Barry’s first term as KING OF THE WORLD!

7:35: Yes we can.

7:36: Believes in the free market but we’re gonna make shiz fair. CEOs are the devil, they can suck it over their million dollar bonuses. Something wrong with that.

7:37: Gonna have a clean energy economy with some fancy new invention called solar power. Some queen in a tight little suit keeps trying to get my attention. Make. It. Stop.

7:38 Got suckered into posing for a photograph with my handsome boyfriend. Maybe I’ll post it so you can photoshop my face into the scary, mean, homo monster that I am!

7:39: Changed our minds. We need alcohol. There is an alcohol shortage up in here. Does this mean Barry doesn’t believe in GIN & TONIC? We have a problem with that.

7:40: $4,000 tuition credit. WHAT! Everyone peed their pants.

7:40: We can make retirements more secure by changing our bankruptcy laws so businesses can’t get rid of pensions. We can make sure that social security is there for generations to come. We can make sure that our environment doesn’t suck. Grow some plants, ladies. Bringing the war in EYE-RACK to a close. Barry says he’ll keep you safe.

7:41: This homosexual from MSNBC needs to step back with his knock-off Armani cologne. Gagging. Can’t breathe.

7:42: Did we tell you that Terry McBrayer really did make us sick? Sick.

7:42: Barry’s gonna end the genocide in Darfur and will close Guantanimo. Everyone peed again.

7:42: Something something more loud cheering.

7:43: We’ve gotta be unified and we’ve gotta come together. He doesn’t want to see a lot of negativity. Running a positive campaign. Lots of cheers. These people aren’t even drunk. Chief of Po-Leece Robert White is here.

7:44: Barry wants to reach out and touch you. Republicans, too.

7:45: Ugh. Georgia O’Keefe memories from Hillary on Friday. Can’t handle it. Oh, the horror.

7:46: He met some chick who sleeps three hours a night because she works 100 jobs and raises 25 kids. This campaign is about her. The Repubs are running a campaign about Barry, not about the issues. Sometimes he doesn’t wear a flag pin– TERRA-IST! His former pastor said some offensive stuff. Barry says that’s okay. He stands here as the son of a teenage mother. Raised by a single mom and his grandparents on a small farm in Kansas. His papaw fought to help defeat fascists just like he fights to defeat the meanies who are friends with George Dubya.

7:48: Picture time.

8:21: Wow. Mass exodus. Everyone is gone. We’re like the last dudes here. No one but Ryan Alessi and some chick from MSNBC. All the queens in suits are gone.

8:23: Barry spent like a million hours shaking hands with peeps in the crowd. We’re starving. Gonna roll out soon. Check back tonight for photos and such. Or maybe tomorrow, depending on how much we eat and drink. Also, please accept my apologies for lack of snark. The energy of the crowd was just too great to be too bitchy and funny.